Needed: Your Presence, not your Presents

As a parent you want to protect your children from all hurt and harm, you want to allow them to grow up feeling loved and fulfilled. It hurts as a parent when you realize that no matter how much you pray, chant, meditate or voice it to the universe, you can’t force an absent parent to feel the way you do.

And child support doesn’t equate to active participation. Money can never replace time spent.

It hurts to realize the person you shared such an intimate part of yourself with, that culminated in the conception of such a unique and beautiful creation, doesn’t want to be involved with that creation. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances were surrounding the birth, the child itself is a blessing. Point blank period.

Of course there are those that will say that’s why you should be married before having children or truly know the person, marriage is not a guarantee, they end daily and people walk away from children just like they do the marriage and you can have known someone for years and years, but once something changes from fun and free to responsibility, people can change before your very eyes.

It’s funny that some people will risk it all over pleasure and self-serving gratification, but won’t risk anything over integrity by doing what’s right even when it’s not easy or convenient.

It hurts because no matter how much you love your child, a mother cannot be a father and likewise a father cannot be a mother. But we try and love our child enough not to feel the void of the absent parent. Sometimes we attempt to overcompensate with an abundance of materialistic things or by being more friendly than parental towards our children. But trust, even with the best of efforts they eventually feel the void.

And while if you are a mature parent, you will try to find a way to gently explain that it’s not that the absent parent doesn’t love them, but rather that some people just are not ready or capable of being selfless enough to be parents. It falls flat on ears waiting to hear the sound of the missing parents voice. It falls short of explaining why they have to have an uncle or grandfather at the daddy/daughter dance or why they have an aunt or grandmother at the son/mommy dinner.

These absences play such a major part in the future relationships that the child will have, especially with the opposite sex. It’s hard for a female to learn to trust a man and to understand their role as provider and protector, when dad didn’t find her precious enough to guard and protect. And it’s hard for a male to learn to value women when the one that carried him for 9 months could just then turn and walk away. These children through no fault of their own, may grow to see themselves as less than worthy.

If one is lucky they will find other adults, men and women that serve as role models and mentees that help fill the void, or they will be blessed with a parent that showers them with love and loving, esteeming affirmations on a daily.

In truth it doesn’t take a lot of time, energy, effort or courage to create a life, but it does to raise one! Let’s show our youth that they’re worth the effort and put aside what’s easy and convenient. Make the time, to spend the time. If the custodial parent makes it hard to see the child, take them to court for your right to be involved. Make a call, send a card, write a letter even when they’re too young to read, at least they’ll know you tried, that they mattered enough for you to make an effort.

Father’s and Mother’s claim your place and be present. Children don’t need your presents; they need combined parental presence!

~Micaiah

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