As a parent you want to protect your children from all hurt
and harm, you want to allow them to grow up feeling loved and fulfilled. It
hurts as a parent when you realize that no matter how much you pray, chant,
meditate or voice it to the universe, you can’t force an absent parent to feel
the way you do.
And child support doesn’t equate to active participation.
Money can never replace time spent.
It hurts to realize the person you shared such an intimate
part of yourself with, that culminated in the conception of such a unique and
beautiful creation, doesn’t want to be involved with that creation. It doesn’t
matter what the circumstances were surrounding the birth, the child itself is a
blessing. Point blank period.
Of course there are those that will say that’s why you
should be married before having children or truly know the person, marriage is
not a guarantee, they end daily and people walk away from children just like
they do the marriage and you can have known someone for years and years, but
once something changes from fun and free to responsibility, people can change
before your very eyes.
It’s funny that some people will risk it all over pleasure
and self-serving gratification, but won’t risk anything over integrity by doing
what’s right even when it’s not easy or convenient.
It hurts because no matter how much you love your child, a
mother cannot be a father and likewise a father cannot be a mother. But we try
and love our child enough not to feel the void of the absent parent. Sometimes
we attempt to overcompensate with an abundance of materialistic things or by
being more friendly than parental towards our children. But trust, even with
the best of efforts they eventually feel the void.
And while if you are a mature parent, you will try to find a
way to gently explain that it’s not that the absent parent doesn’t love them,
but rather that some people just are not ready or capable of being selfless
enough to be parents. It falls flat on ears waiting to hear the sound of the
missing parents voice. It falls short of explaining why they have to have an
uncle or grandfather at the daddy/daughter dance or why they have an aunt or
grandmother at the son/mommy dinner.
These absences play such a major part in the future
relationships that the child will have, especially with the opposite sex. It’s
hard for a female to learn to trust a man and to understand their role as
provider and protector, when dad didn’t find her precious enough to guard and
protect. And it’s hard for a male to learn to value women when the one that
carried him for 9 months could just then turn and walk away. These children
through no fault of their own, may grow to see themselves as less than worthy.
If one is lucky they will find other adults, men and women
that serve as role models and mentees that help fill the void, or they will be
blessed with a parent that showers them with love and loving, esteeming
affirmations on a daily.
In truth it doesn’t take a lot of time, energy, effort or
courage to create a life, but it does to raise one! Let’s show our youth that
they’re worth the effort and put aside what’s easy and convenient. Make the
time, to spend the time. If the custodial parent makes it hard to see the
child, take them to court for your right to be involved. Make a call, send a
card, write a letter even when they’re too young to read, at least they’ll know
you tried, that they mattered enough for you to make an effort.
Father’s and Mother’s claim your place and be present. Children don’t need your presents; they need combined parental presence!