A Shortage of Sheep

It seems there must be a shortage on sheep, because I can’t find a single one to count myself to sleep.

It seems the older I become the more insomnia becomes my best friend.

The life and mind of a procrastinating creative, ha. I lie in bed thinking of all the things I could be doing, writing or creating, while at the same time doing nothing at all.

It’s the hamster wheel of thoughts that play in a loop that makes sleep seemingly impossible; yet you don’t want to rev up your engines too much because it’s counterproductive to becoming sleepy.

Are you just as frustrated reading this as I am feeling it?

Good, at least I’m not alone.

Melatonin only seems to work, when it’s time to wake up, then my body wants to relax and drift off into slumber. And yes, I’m aware that using electronics or blue light counteracts the Melatonin kicking in your natural circadian rhythm.

However, there’s only so much laying in the dark thinking about sleep I can do before my mind requires more.
It’s great when ideas come during the cloak of night, except when your alarm is set for 6 in the morning. Yet more often than not, my ideas strike at the most inopportune time. Instead of zzz’s, I have glowing embers from my thoughts and ideas.

Oh, how I envy my sister and daughter, who think the word sleep and then fall into blissful slumber as soon as their head hits the pillow. What type of sleep sorcery do they possess? I have yet to ascertain their magic formula. Nor is the sandman a friend of mine. The sandman tends to avoid me worse than a friend that owes you money they never plan to pay back.

Meditation works while I’m in the midst of it and then when the metaphorical tone sounds, denoting the end of the meditation, it never fails that my relaxed state ebbs away and I’m left to my thoughts, dreams and aspirations.

Reading doesn‘t work either, because I love to read and often have to force myself to put a book down and go to bed.

I guess I truly shouldn’t complain because being awake tonight did allow me to write this post, so maybe I should be thankful that just like Little Bo Peep, I’ve lost my sheep and don’t know where to find them. But I’m going to try real hard to wrangle up a few and catch a few zzz’s.

~Micaiah

Always Under Construction

Lately, my life has been looking like a lane on I-75/I-71 going through Cincinnati, constantly under construction. I am constantly trying to get things in “order” so that I can be my “best” self. And I have come to realize just like the never ending construction that I bemoan on the highways that pass through my city, the construction in my life is also never ending and that’s okay.

My life my never be ideal or perfect, but just like we navigate through and around orange barrels, detours and redirects; we must do the same in our lives. Because whether it’s a street map or life map, if you keep driving/pushing eventually you will make it to your final destination.

That journey may not look like anyone else’s and while it’s frustrating to witness others arrive before you, it can also be inspirational and motivational. Perspective is the ability to change your outlook by changing your attitude or view of the situation. Sometimes life defers our moments so that we can better appreciate them when they occur. Trust that delayed is truly not denied.

While navigating my own detours and redirects, I have come to the realization that if you do not work daily to motivate yourself, you won’t be motivated. Motivation takes daily work, time and commitment. It also takes the gumption to stop putting off hard tasks, whether those tasks be physiological or psychological in nature; you have to show up and do the work.

My biggest weakness or flaw that I am constantly working on is procrastination. I allow myself to become comfortable with the excuses that I have told myself are acceptable so as to assuage the guilt of my complacency. Yeah, we feed ourselves excuses instead of feeding ourselves motivation sometimes. Starve your distractions and feed your focus is a mindset I have yet to master, but I’m under construction right? While it’s true I may be a constant work in progress, I still need to see some small steps towards progress; which means committing myself to work on the things that keep me from progressing i.e. my procrastination.

Procrastination is a low key arrogance issue, because it tends to create a false sense of being guaranteed the time of tomorrow. We all know tomorrow isn’t promised, yet we will allow ourselves the comfort of complacency by stating we will do “it” tomorrow, whatever “it” is. We need to take the leap and do it today.

Do “it” scared, unprepared, under stress, with less than optimal finances. Just do it! We can’t be worried about the messiness of our construction in our lives. It may not be pretty, but if that mess leads to your ultimate progress than it’s more than worth it.

I have determined not to give up or give in. I can’t be the next New York Times Best Selling Author if I’m not writing. I can’t be my best self if I’m not working and taking those small steps towards progress. So, I’ll be content with the orange barrels and detours in and around my life and remind myself that as long as I stay moving, eventually I’ll get to where I want to go and you will too.

~micaiah

Like a new pair of shoes

Change is great and like a new pair of shoes; you may be a little uncomfortable at first, but as time passes your comfort level increases. Stop waiting. Go ahead and do it scared. Seize the day, it may not come again. ~micaiahism

#change #leap #faith #scared #seizetheday #comfortable #level #dreams #goals #ambition #motivation #micaiahism

Hello Nurse…

When I was younger I had so many different dreams and aspirations of what I’d be in life. For a while I dreamed of having a law firm with two of my other friends we would be Baker, Bean and Reid Associates at Law.

Funny, only one of us actually went into law; but another one did throw her hat in a political/policy influencing arena and sits on Oakland’s City Council.

I, on the other hand, had no long standing law affiliated aspirations. I decided pretty early I’d go into the medical field, early enough that I decided to take Latin to help me later with all the medical terminology I’d learn, and boy it truly came in handy. While others struggled I seemed to breeze right through medical terminology, so much so, I tutored and assisted the instructor during Pharmacology classes for my Licensed Practical Nurse program.

I started as a Home Health Aide then became certified as a State Tested Nursing Assistant. Let me just say nursing assistants are the backbone of health care especially long term care and they don’t get enough attention and appreciation.

It’s hard, sometimes back breaking work, yes they have way more tools and lifting equipment now than they had back in 1993 when I started out, but still it’s laborious work, if you truly care and give your residents the care they deserve.

I didn’t get into the medical field for the money, I got into it for the care and service to the people. I truly have a heart to help others be their best selves. Lots of people chose a career in nursing because it’s an honest and noble living and because they too wanted to help and serve others and it showed in the quality and type of care given to the residents and patients.

In recent years, it seems more are turning to nursing as an easier way to make decent money with a short amount of schooling required to start.

You can definitely tell the difference in the quality of the nurses that are being turned out now versus in the past.

Too many people don’t do it for the passion, they do it to floss and flex for the masses and in the end it’s our sick and vulnerable populations that suffer. This lack of true caring and consideration is what burns out the nurses that truly have a heart for the people and care.

It’s not the patients that really wear you out it’s the policies and politicking. It’s the cuts and poor management and out of touch Administration. It’s coworkers that don’t give as good as they get. It’s work being piled onto your good and dependable worker and no recompense for the bad apples on the team.

Somehow, nursing has to turn back into the passion filled career it once was and not just the lucrative field it’s turning into. The nation is capitalistic and I know this more than anyone, but we also have a world of people that are living longer but chronically sicker, so we have to get back into the act of honestly caring for their well-being.

I had some excellent role models for nurses.

We need more older nurses willing to invest in and mentor these younger nurses. We need nurses that don’t eat and alienate their young. We need advanced practice nurses that humble themselves and realize that initials and titles don’t automatically equate to great nurses, it goes beyond that to mindset, common sense and skill set.

Honestly, I know lots of LPNs that I would allow to care for me before some RN’s. We can’t forget the struggle just because we make it beyond it. We have to remember the humanity in nursing and our why behind becoming one.

Nursing has to get back to the art of care and compassion we were known for.

So, as we embark upon another Nursing Week, I implore you to do your part in keeping nursing a compassionate and honorable profession.

If not for the sick and infirm there would be no need for the nurse.

And as you care for others always remember it could be you or someone close to you on the other end of needing care.

~micaiah RN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Season for Growth

Today is the first day of spring, and the perfect day for change and growth.

With all things being new and reborn, so to speak, why not change your mindset. Let go of all the dead things in your life: dead ends, dead relationships, dead thoughts. All the things that detract from your life and your energy.

That’s right cut off anyone that doesn’t add value or positivity to your life, even if that means cutting off family and loved ones. We have to stop allowing toxicity to exist in our lives just because the toxic person is “family.” You don’t have to allow anyone in your life that makes your life miserable or uncomfortable to the point it hinders you from living.

Now that’s not to say, you cut off the well-meaning people trying to offer constructive criticism and you are just not in a receptive frame of mind.

The idea is born and then executed. Growth, starts from the inside out. You have to do some serious self-reflection to realize what changes need to occur and then accept those truths and work to turn them into actual manifestations.

It’s ok to reinvent yourself too. If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. Each day you are blessed with time and opportunity, use them to improve your life and live your best life. Don’t be afraid of the unknown. A caterpillar enters a cocoon as one thing and emerges as something else, beautiful, yet altogether different.

Remember, where there are no boundaries there are no limits. This applies in a variety of ways, people in your life need boundaries, so that they don’t overstep their purpose in your life. People can only do what you allow, don’t give power of your life over to the control of others. On the other hand, the only limits on your life are the ones you place on yourself, so don’t allow your thoughts to sabotage what you are able to accomplish in life. Your thoughts are powerful, so make them work for you not against you. Use self-affirming words in and over your life and watch the changes that take place.

I am claiming greatness for myself and all those reading these words. Let’s grow in our greatness. Go forth and be the best version of you possible!

~micaiah

Your best life starts today!

Today, I want to impress upon you the importance of seizing the moment, stop waiting and make changes daily as you see the need for them. Time waits for no one and 2020 took many people with it whom died, what I feel was way too soon, some in the very beginning or prime of their lives. So be the change you want to see in your life.

Stop waiting to live your best life. Don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today. Release your fears and tap into your inner courage. Stop being complacent with convenience and mediocrity in your personal and professional life.

Surround yourself with friends and people that challenge you, to be a better you. Friends should be as iron that sharpens iron and act as mirrors to show us our real and true selves. Because the only way to effectively change yourself for the better is to take an honest inventory of yourself and your characteristics and act accordingly.

Realize and accept, that not everyone will be able to make the journey towards self-improvement with you, nor or they meant to. There is a time and purpose for everything and person under the sun, acknowledge when something or someone has outstayed their purpose in your life, release them/it and move on towards vaster and brighter horizons.

Understand that change may not be comfortable, but beautiful things are often birthed through adversity and pain.

Understand that there are dream makers and dream and idea takers, know your circle and know that some moves are not to be broadcast, but are best made in silence, allowing your work or action to speak for itself.

Most of all, forgive yourself of your short comings, what’s done is done and is now in the past. You can’t change the past so resolve to make better, more logically sound choices from this point on. The shame is not in the falling down; it’s being comfortable in staying down.

Tomorrow is never promised so make the most of your Today!

~Micaiah

Racial disparities in medicine

I just saw a post where condolences were given for a young, African American, female 2nd year med student that lost her life due to complications from pre-eclampsia.

While I don’t know all the details leading up to her death, I do know people of color especially African American females die at disproportionately higher rates than their white counter parts. African Americans as a whole do not receive the same care in most, if not all, aspects of medical care.

You must advocate for your health and your life. Do not allow anyone to tell you it’s nothing when your gut and body is telling you there is.

When I delivered my daughter and was discharged home I developed severe swelling and shortness of breath. I went back to the doctors and they assured me the swelling was normal and was just from the fluids I was given during my cesarean section. They pushed me to go home. I pushed back and told them this was beyond that and I wanted them to evaluate further. They did and I was diagnosed with pneumonia and almost to the point of congestive heart failure.

Luckily, I pushed back and I trusted myself more than I trusted that clinician, but how many people trust the people that are supposed to be the expert in their fields. Doctors are human and can make mistakes, that’s why you have to advocate for yourselves and for your family members. Your life just may depend on it.

~micaiah

#endracialdisparitiesinmedicine

#advocate

Fighting to Matter

To be black and live in America is to live through trauma.

Black lives do not matter. Animals and walls get more respect and consideration than black people do.

People are murdered in their homes and yet they are made to be villains.
Even in their deaths the world tries hard to turn the tables so even sympathy is not given.

Oppression makes a wise man mad. And continually perpetuating trauma makes a person numb.

But
life goes on and we keep pushing because our souls weren’t created to quit.

Some of us march, some pray, others protests, rebel and raise holy hell and no one can say any of them are wrong.

Because collectively we are grieving and enraged all at the same time; we have lost so many and each death effected us, even if only subconsciously.

Every death by the hands of the police has you questioning your safety during what should be a routine traffic stop.

Have you reconsidering mentioning the police as someone a child can turn to and be safe with in times of trouble.

Parents have had to change the narrative of their coming of age stories especially with their black male children to include how to live through an interaction with the police.

It’s crazy to have to explain that typically black people are seen as guilty until proven innocent and even then they are sometimes still punished.

Society might have removed the chains, but they’ve held fast to the cruelties and tenets of slavery.

Yet somehow we still make strides and make moves because our souls weren’t created to quit.

With tear stained faces and red rimmed eyes we still stand tall with our fists held high.

Burdened by the struggle to be recognized as human, worthy of life, deserving of justice.
Fighting to matter.
~micaiah

Covid Realities

So I started with some hoarseness Friday 17th attributed to sleeping to close to AC vent didn’t feel horrible so didn’t think much of it. Sat morning dry cough that quickly became moist and accompanied by chills. Started isolating as not to give Jamiyah my “cold”. Continued all my immune boosting daily supplements. Sunday morning awakened with no sense of taste or smell and a 102 fever. Scheduled an appt for Trihealth in Walgreens and tested for Covid. Went back home and continued strict isolation precautions. Purchased pulse ox to closely monitor myself. At first I was staying 95-97% in room air then noticed fevers not staying away and sats dropping some. Tuesday result positive for Covid. Continued to push fluids, herbs, supplements, teas and lots of prayers. Weds night I felt I couldn’t breath as deeply and temp spiked higher, Early Thursday I could barely breath after going to bathroom so headed to Good Sam ER. Diagnosed with pneumonia on top of Covid and admitted. Breathing has been a struggle and I am on supplemental oxygen but I am doing better than some so I won’t complain. The Nurses at Good Sam have been great. My Dr Anjum Najeed has been proactive and started me on Redemsivir so today will be dose 3, praying to see real marked improvement. This has been rough to put it mildly, but I have so many praying friends and family members that even though I am physically without visitors I feel surrounded by love and support. Special thanks to The Almighty that has already told me I’ll be victorious in this battle and for blessing me with a daughter that is wise beyond her years and understands far more than even some adults. Also thanks to my sister Rhonda Baker Napier and cousin Jamasha Hardy for ensuring I don’t have to worry about Jamiyah while fighting my way back to health. To all my sisters, sister-friends, brothers, friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, play cousins, God parents, bffs, nieces and nephew’s and coworkers. I love and appreciate you all! Keep the prayers coming. Victory is Near❤️❤️❤️❤️HalleLuYAH!!!!

~micaiah

Can you see what I see?

I do not need color blind friends, because if you claim not to see color then, do you really see me?

Do you see the inherent differences in the way people of color are treated? How we are asked to forget and get over our trauma while others are allowed to embrace theirs.

I need people who see the differences and fight to change those things which are wrong and unjust. If you are not a person of color you may never understand exactly what we are up against and that’s ok. Just be empathetic towards our fight and not silently complicit.

No one would have to shout Black Lives Matter if All Lives truly Mattered because we would be included in that number. But clearly, we are not included and that’s why we continue to make noise!

The government has shown us repeatedly a closed mouth don’t get fed. If we want change we have to demand it, asking nicely since 1619 has gotten us nothing but traumatized.

~micaiah

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