Hil

never can say good bye
even after a year it still seems foreign to try
I remember being awakened from my sleep
to cries that you were now resting in peace
for a second I lost touch with reality
Could this really be true
but I soon gained more proof
the world had truly lost you
it’s hard living life with no more talks
no more shared books read
or inside jokes
I just knew we’d grow to be old folks
You were my sister, my friend and a spiritual sharpener
when your soul left
time seemed to stand still
it felt surreal
I was bereft
left fumbling to rationalize within my mind,
to accept this loss as a truth
There are days I’m great
and there’s days when simply I’m not
I know life is for living so I keep pushing I dare not stop
There is so much more I needed to share
so much more wisdom and encouragement I needed to hear
You were a sister-friend so near and dear to my heart.
I carry your memories forever with me may they never depart.
~micaiah

Continue to rest in power Sis💙
Hilakiyah Yisrael 3/10/70-5/5/2019

Begin again

Life is all about learning from experience’s, sometimes we are a little slow on the uptake and have to repeat a lesson.
We often allow our emotions to guide decisions that only our mind is truly qualified to make. I know it’s hard to let go of how you feel, even when you know it’s for your own best interest.


So you pray, praying steadfast to take that feeling away. And in time your prayers are answered only for you to turn around and be tested.
Do you hold firm? or do you fold to the tantalizing memory of the addictive high?
And if this one time you fold will whoever or whatever forever have a hold of you?


I say not necessarily, sometimes we have to experience something more than once to get the true lesson from it. Everyone has a different barometer by which to measure what they can and cannot tolerate. Maybe it took that second time to reach the peak of your limits.
Hell, it may take some people multiple times and guess what? That’s their business and their prerogative.


One thing life has taught me is not to judge the hearts and lives of others, because as soon as you say what you won’t do or what you won’t put up with the Almighty or Universe will surely test you.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough tests to last several lifetimes already.


So be easy with yourself.
Now, I’m not saying settle for less than you deserve or to put up with abusive behavior. What I am saying is that ultimately it’s your life to live and you have to come to terms with what and who you allow in it and for how long.


Don’t base your life and limits by comparing it to another. Comparison is the thief of joy, do well to remember looks can be deceiving, because even salt can look like sugar.
So what looks sweet may not really be.


Trust grass grows greener wherever it’s tended to and watered. Effort proceeds progress.
So take those lessons on the chin and resolve yourself to let go of the past, grow your future and begin again as many times as you need to.
~micaiah

Where happiness meets healing

Sometimes it’s not the intimate aspect of the relationship you miss, it’s the friendship

The ability for someone to know you better than you know yourself

Someone that knows your moods and can communicate without conversation

someone that can pull a smile from you even when you are annoyingly aggravated

Someone you can be free with without judgment

Even when you’re afraid to uncover your heart, they feed you laughter as medicine and help cure your hidden and broken parts

Because sometimes we don’t truly heal, because we are so intent on not being able to feel

Sometimes we blur the line and it takes time to get back aligned with the true purpose for you and them

Maybe you were not ever meant to be in love

because the greater need is to be a friend

and in the end

in that realization

is where true happiness and healing begins.

~micaiah

Meeting people where they are

It takes growth and maturity to be able to be less critical of one’s parents and to be able to understand they were on a personal journey themselves. It took years for me to understand that people can’t give you what they don’t have within themselves and that sometimes you can only look inward to get what you thought would come from without.

As a the youngest of 4 girl’s, I felt the love even if it wasn’t verbally expressed a lot. Once I was older it became more natural to hear my parents tell me they loved me, but it was because I often initiated the dialogue. When I think back over my childhood, love wasn’t expressed so much as it was shown, at least not in the home. As an adult as I look back on their upbringing, I can understand that’s the way they were raised up. Children were mostly seen and not heard.

Although my maternal grandfather died when I was 10 or 11, I can’t remember him ever saying much to me at all. I can’t truly recall 1 conversation. I would hear him talk to my parents, but not to me. So, I can only imagine that he didn’t speak much to children in general. He worked hard and after work had a few drinks, came home ate dinner and prepared to do it all over again the next day. And as far as my paternal grandfather, he passed when my dad was 13 years old, thrusting my father into the role as man of the house. He was more of a doer and a teller of what needs to be done than to talk about emotions and feelings. As an adult, I see how that shaped them, and at the same time how it may have affected me in ways I didn’t even realize.

Looking back on friendships I had, I see I didn’t always express gratitude through my words and conversations, but I felt I expressed them through my loyalty and protective nature. I was very much my fathers daughter, meaning I sometimes came off as gruff or uncaring but I still provided for and protected my friends. In the immaturity of our youth we are often self-centered and don’t often consider how others’ experiences have shaped them. We react and do not fully consider others in the realm of consequences.

In hind sight, I see that I could have been gentler with some friends and I can see that others should have been gentler with me. Yet it all proved to shape and mold me into the woman I am today. We must learn from others what their love looks like and accept it as their truth. Perceptions guide experience, it’s the reason people raised in the same household can have a vast and varying degree of differences in character and personality.

We must understand that even in a family you are a singular person, among a group of people, journeying, learning and evolving. We all function at different vibrations and frequencies, when we can accept and respect this fact then static becomes less frequent and acceptance becomes a rule versus the exception.

As you grow to love and have more compassion for yourself, you learn to do the same for others. Everyone isn’t meant to vibrate at your frequency and sometimes through the acts of empathy and compassion, you simply and gently, meet them where they are.

~Micaiah