Always Under Construction

Lately, my life has been looking like a lane on I-75/I-71 going through Cincinnati, constantly under construction. I am constantly trying to get things in “order” so that I can be my “best” self. And I have come to realize just like the never ending construction that I bemoan on the highways that pass through my city, the construction in my life is also never ending and that’s okay.

My life my never be ideal or perfect, but just like we navigate through and around orange barrels, detours and redirects; we must do the same in our lives. Because whether it’s a street map or life map, if you keep driving/pushing eventually you will make it to your final destination.

That journey may not look like anyone else’s and while it’s frustrating to witness others arrive before you, it can also be inspirational and motivational. Perspective is the ability to change your outlook by changing your attitude or view of the situation. Sometimes life defers our moments so that we can better appreciate them when they occur. Trust that delayed is truly not denied.

While navigating my own detours and redirects, I have come to the realization that if you do not work daily to motivate yourself, you won’t be motivated. Motivation takes daily work, time and commitment. It also takes the gumption to stop putting off hard tasks, whether those tasks be physiological or psychological in nature; you have to show up and do the work.

My biggest weakness or flaw that I am constantly working on is procrastination. I allow myself to become comfortable with the excuses that I have told myself are acceptable so as to assuage the guilt of my complacency. Yeah, we feed ourselves excuses instead of feeding ourselves motivation sometimes. Starve your distractions and feed your focus is a mindset I have yet to master, but I’m under construction right? While it’s true I may be a constant work in progress, I still need to see some small steps towards progress; which means committing myself to work on the things that keep me from progressing i.e. my procrastination.

Procrastination is a low key arrogance issue, because it tends to create a false sense of being guaranteed the time of tomorrow. We all know tomorrow isn’t promised, yet we will allow ourselves the comfort of complacency by stating we will do “it” tomorrow, whatever “it” is. We need to take the leap and do it today.

Do “it” scared, unprepared, under stress, with less than optimal finances. Just do it! We can’t be worried about the messiness of our construction in our lives. It may not be pretty, but if that mess leads to your ultimate progress than it’s more than worth it.

I have determined not to give up or give in. I can’t be the next New York Times Best Selling Author if I’m not writing. I can’t be my best self if I’m not working and taking those small steps towards progress. So, I’ll be content with the orange barrels and detours in and around my life and remind myself that as long as I stay moving, eventually I’ll get to where I want to go and you will too.

~micaiah

Hello Nurse…

When I was younger I had so many different dreams and aspirations of what I’d be in life. For a while I dreamed of having a law firm with two of my other friends we would be Baker, Bean and Reid Associates at Law.

Funny, only one of us actually went into law; but another one did throw her hat in a political/policy influencing arena and sits on Oakland’s City Council.

I, on the other hand, had no long standing law affiliated aspirations. I decided pretty early I’d go into the medical field, early enough that I decided to take Latin to help me later with all the medical terminology I’d learn, and boy it truly came in handy. While others struggled I seemed to breeze right through medical terminology, so much so, I tutored and assisted the instructor during Pharmacology classes for my Licensed Practical Nurse program.

I started as a Home Health Aide then became certified as a State Tested Nursing Assistant. Let me just say nursing assistants are the backbone of health care especially long term care and they don’t get enough attention and appreciation.

It’s hard, sometimes back breaking work, yes they have way more tools and lifting equipment now than they had back in 1993 when I started out, but still it’s laborious work, if you truly care and give your residents the care they deserve.

I didn’t get into the medical field for the money, I got into it for the care and service to the people. I truly have a heart to help others be their best selves. Lots of people chose a career in nursing because it’s an honest and noble living and because they too wanted to help and serve others and it showed in the quality and type of care given to the residents and patients.

In recent years, it seems more are turning to nursing as an easier way to make decent money with a short amount of schooling required to start.

You can definitely tell the difference in the quality of the nurses that are being turned out now versus in the past.

Too many people don’t do it for the passion, they do it to floss and flex for the masses and in the end it’s our sick and vulnerable populations that suffer. This lack of true caring and consideration is what burns out the nurses that truly have a heart for the people and care.

It’s not the patients that really wear you out it’s the policies and politicking. It’s the cuts and poor management and out of touch Administration. It’s co workers that don’t give as good as they get. It’s work being piled onto your good and dependable worker and no recompense for the bad apples on the team.

Somehow, nursing has to turn back into the passion filled career it once was and not just the lucrative field it’s turning into. The nation is capitalistic and I know this more than anyone, but we also have a world of people that are living longer but chronically sicker, so we have to get back into the act of honestly caring for their well-being.

I had some excellent role models for nurses.

We need more older nurses willing to invest in and mentor these younger nurses. We need nurses that don’t eat and alienate their young. We need advanced practice nurses that humble themselves and realize that initials and titles don’t automatically equate to great nurses, it goes beyond that to mindset, common sense and skill set.

Honestly, I know lots of LPNs that I would allow to care for me before some RN’s. We can’t forget the struggle just because we make it beyond it. We have to remember the humanity in nursing and our why behind becoming one.

Nursing has to get back to the art of care and compassion we were known for.

So, as we embark upon another Nursing Week, I implore you to do your part in keeping nursing a compassionate and honorable profession.

If not for the sick and infirm there would be no need for the nurse.

And as you care for others always remember it could be you or someone close to you on the other end of needing care.

~micaiah RN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My own truth

Walking, no, more like stumbling through life
Vision blurred by all that’s occurred

Not staying on course has my dreams deferred
Allowed myself to lose focus
Due to foolishness and hocus pocus

Let comparison rob me of objectivity
had me forgetting about the blessings just for me

Doubt had me believing delayed had turned into denied
Had me trusting in worry and anxieties lies

Had to get regrounded and regroup
Had to familiarize myself again with my own truth

Had to remind myself of whose child I was
And that my gifts are truly a blessing from above

There is no timeframe or race
Just continue on and keep the pace

With renewed faith, my vision cleared
And once again I’m ready to tackle all I once feared.

~micaiah

Through the process

Shed the skin of expectancy and peel off the facade of perfection.
Free your heart from the shortcomings of others and yourself.
Unburden your shoulders from carrying the shame of associating with soulless beings.
Cleanse your eyes from the blurry half truths and focus on the freedom of reality.
Change occurs only with the realization that there is room for improvement.
Whether you improve your physical, mental, emotional, financial or spiritual well-being it all ends in your betterment.
Be better and most importantly love yourself through the process.
~micaiah

Keep the faith

It’s easy to say you believe when things are great.

Faith is tested when you are.

It’s ok to feel weak, just don’t quit believing that you will make it through.

A whole lot of battles are lost because the mind gave up first and the body followed suit.

Don’t let that be you, tap into your strength(Faith).~Micaiah

Covid Realities

So I started with some hoarseness Friday 17th attributed to sleeping to close to AC vent didn’t feel horrible so didn’t think much of it. Sat morning dry cough that quickly became moist and accompanied by chills. Started isolating as not to give Jamiyah my “cold”. Continued all my immune boosting daily supplements. Sunday morning awakened with no sense of taste or smell and a 102 fever. Scheduled an appt for Trihealth in Walgreens and tested for Covid. Went back home and continued strict isolation precautions. Purchased pulse ox to closely monitor myself. At first I was staying 95-97% in room air then noticed fevers not staying away and sats dropping some. Tuesday result positive for Covid. Continued to push fluids, herbs, supplements, teas and lots of prayers. Weds night I felt I couldn’t breath as deeply and temp spiked higher, Early Thursday I could barely breath after going to bathroom so headed to Good Sam ER. Diagnosed with pneumonia on top of Covid and admitted. Breathing has been a struggle and I am on supplemental oxygen but I am doing better than some so I won’t complain. The Nurses at Good Sam have been great. My Dr Anjum Najeed has been proactive and started me on Redemsivir so today will be dose 3, praying to see real marked improvement. This has been rough to put it mildly, but I have so many praying friends and family members that even though I am physically without visitors I feel surrounded by love and support. Special thanks to The Almighty that has already told me I’ll be victorious in this battle and for blessing me with a daughter that is wise beyond her years and understands far more than even some adults. Also thanks to my sister Rhonda Baker Napier and cousin Jamasha Hardy for ensuring I don’t have to worry about Jamiyah while fighting my way back to health. To all my sisters, sister-friends, brothers, friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, play cousins, God parents, bffs, nieces and nephew’s and coworkers. I love and appreciate you all! Keep the prayers coming. Victory is Near❤️❤️❤️❤️HalleLuYAH!!!!

~micaiah

Can you see what I see?

I do not need color blind friends, because if you claim not to see color then, do you really see me?

Do you see the inherent differences in the way people of color are treated? How we are asked to forget and get over our trauma while others are allowed to embrace theirs.

I need people who see the differences and fight to change those things which are wrong and unjust. If you are not a person of color you may never understand exactly what we are up against and that’s ok. Just be empathetic towards our fight and not silently complicit.

No one would have to shout Black Lives Matter if All Lives truly Mattered because we would be included in that number. But clearly, we are not included and that’s why we continue to make noise!

The government has shown us repeatedly a closed mouth don’t get fed. If we want change we have to demand it, asking nicely since 1619 has gotten us nothing but traumatized.

~micaiah

Pushed to the edge

Today my Healthcare corporation encouraged us to participate in an 8 minute and 46 second moment of silence in honor of Mr. George Floyd and in solidarity with White Coats for Black Lives Matter (WCBL). WCBL is “an organization that strives to dismantle racism in medicine and promote the health, well-being, and self-determination of the African American community.”

During those 8 minutes and 46 seconds I couldn’t help but to think of all the things that must have flashed through Mr. Floyd’s mind, while seemingly coming to the stark realization that the police was literally killing him. I can’t even fathom what he must have been feeling and the helplessness of being rendered breathless.

I kept having that video of him being murdered, because that’s what it was, play over in a loop in my head. And of how tired I am of explaining to my 7 year old daughter that another person of color has lost their life at the hands of someone who sees them as less than, all while attempting to instill into her that she is enough.

It’s exhausting.

Racism in America, like a festering wound and abhorrent disease, has been left untreated since the nation was birthed. It’s a sickness that effects the young, old and all in between.
How can we tout this as the best nation on earth when animals get more respect and protection than people of color?

When will I not have to say extra prayers for all my male friends and family members that their lives are not taken during a simple traffic stop or interaction with the police.

Yes, we try to teach our youth how to act to stay alive, but until people stop placing symbolic bullseyes on their heads and back, hunting season continues in spite of being compliant.

All lives matter, but until Black Lives Matter there will be no peace because there won’t be any justice for us. Understand this country was founded on the backs of the people that they no longer deem matter, how hypocritical is that?

There are too many disparities in healthcare, education and the justice system for people to feel comfortable sticking their head in the sand and pretending to be unaware of what takes place around them. We know you see it, you show us with your silence that until it effects you directly you don’t care.

If you aren’t helping resolve the problems you may as well be throwing fire on the flames. You care if people mistreat their dog, yet act confounded that people would feel so strongly against the mistreatment of a whole collective group of people.
Surely, not a nation that state in God they trust! Do you not understand the same God you say you trust, created us.

When will enough, be enough for you? It’s past time for me.✊🏽🖤

~micaiah

Hil

never can say good bye
even after a year it still seems foreign to try
I remember being awakened from my sleep
to cries that you were now resting in peace
for a second I lost touch with reality
Could this really be true
but I soon gained more proof
the world had truly lost you
it’s hard living life with no more talks
no more shared books read
or inside jokes
I just knew we’d grow to be old folks
You were my sister, my friend and a spiritual sharpener
when your soul left
time seemed to stand still
it felt surreal
I was bereft
left fumbling to rationalize within my mind,
to accept this loss as a truth
There are days I’m great
and there’s days when simply I’m not
I know life is for living so I keep pushing I dare not stop
There is so much more I needed to share
so much more wisdom and encouragement I needed to hear
You were a sister-friend so near and dear to my heart.
I carry your memories forever with me may they never depart.
~micaiah

Continue to rest in power Sis💙
Hilakiyah Yisrael 3/10/70-5/5/2019