Changing Seasons

Her heart was warm and vibrant pumping a selfless type of love

It pumped until its chambers were depleted

a supply unreciprocated will dry up

and like the changing seasons

her personality changed too

unrequited love changed her confidence into insecurity

She couldn’t quite remember when she lost sight of herself

She’s pretty sure it happened when she was pouring so much into others

Somehow they gained vibrancy at her expense as she turned into a less vibrant copy of her former self

Somehow she started to internalize the outward inaction of another and took ownership of issues that didn’t start with her

and they allowed her to because she was to magnificent to behold in all her technicolor majestic-ness

But with her bathed in shades of grey they seemed so much more appealing than they actually were

So they attempted to lull her into accepting the fantasy as a reality

and for a while they were successful

they tied those rose colored glasses to her face with strings of lies, laden with whispers of sweet nothings and orgasmic soul ties

Emotions took control and logic took a back seat

And the color continued to be drained from her

until her insides were as black as a starless night

She lost her zeal and ultimately her appeal and the love leech went scouting for a new host

leaving her to fall freely

and for a while she lay there covered in blackness and feeling buried

until realizing during her fall those glasses and bindings were knocked loose

there was a light in the darkness

as she sprouted from the darkness

she realized she was never buried

she was planted

and as she grew into a new version of herself

her color returned

along with a fierce love of self

the season had changed and

so had she

this was her season

she was back and more vibrant than before

because she realized her moment of weakness and falling

did not define her

her ability

to get back up did.

~micaiah

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How much do you love you?

A lot of us are great at being honest with everyone but ourselves. We will scream and shout how much we love ourselves and refuse to settle when it comes to how someone else may treat us, but we forget to demand that same level from ourselves.

If you truly love yourself, you’ll work towards being the best version of yourself in every aspect of your life: physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and financially.

How much love do you have for yourself if you aren’t working to be the healthiest version of you that you can be? We psych ourselves into believing we have to be in love with our fat selves and our thick thighs, but if that isn’t the healthiest version of you, how is it love? You can be comfortable in who you are, and still recognize your need for improvement.

You tell yourself you can’t be with anyone that has nothing to bring to the table, when your table is being held up by one leg made of bills and debts you owe. Yeah, you have a nice career, but you owe out more than you make. By refusing to get a handle on your debt not only are you not showing love to yourself, but you’re not showing love to the children to whom you’ll leave your debts instead of an inheritance.

We have to be honest with ourselves and admit when we don’t love ourselves as much as we should.

Self-reflection is necessary in order for there to be growth.

Love yourself enough to want the best for yourself and your family in all areas of your life.

If you feel like the blessings aren’t coming, maybe it’s because you need to rid your life of the cluttered chaos in it.

Take inventory and then make a list of steps you can take to clean up the areas in your life that do not represent the love you have for yourself.

Take it one step at a time and don’t be afraid to ask for help in areas where you need it.

You are most definitely worth your best efforts.

Remember love is an action word and that applies even more-so when it refers to how you truly show love for you!

~Micaiahism

The Love She Needed

She contemplated all her endings

In an effort to facilitate a new beginning

She couldn’t place all the blame on them

When the endings looked so similar

yet

she was the only common denominator

The commonality of her attractions was a flaw in her character

In her need to fix others

She attracted unhealed mates that flocked to her to be healed

Only to take their healed selves elsewhere

Leaving the fixer wounded

Momentarily put off from healing another

She covered her heart in armor

Daring anyone to penetrate her self imposed fortress

She was punishing herself

Not realizing a heart locked up finds it hard to beat

Even for oneself

So she tore the wall away

Because she realized she deserved her own best efforts

Her heart was resilient and destined to thrive, to love and be loved

She changed the inconsistent and conflicted parts within herself

She reflected the love she was

And was content to love herself

until someone came along

and reflected back to her

the love she needed.

~Micaiah

Reflections of You

Take care of you; it’s the most loving thing you can do for yourself.

Despite your best efforts to always be the generous, caring, kind hearted, help everyone else out type of person.

It’s easy to become bitter after life continuously throws you lemons.

and

It’s much harder to be the bigger person in an argument, especially when it’s a clear matter of right versus wrong.

It’s easier to give in to the desires of the flesh even though you know it’s not truly worth the time and effort but sometimes the lure of instant gratification seems to look so much more tantalizing than years of a strict commitment and steadfast resolve.

But peace of mind and the ability to sleep with a clear conscience is priceless.

Energy is transferable and you have to watch the company you keep and the thoughts you keep as well.

Your thoughts have the ability to drive your actions, even subconsciously.

That’s why it’s vital to spend time in reflective thought and meditation.

To help ground and recenter yourself when life attempts to knock you off your axis

You have to find your center, your grounding force that keeps you tethered on the path towards success and fulfillment.

But more importantly tethered to the path towards happiness, inner peace and joy.

Far too often, we allow the actions or inaction of others to alter our emotions.

Good people get tired of not having their efforts reciprocated, but we can’t allow outside forces to change our inside core.

We have to take time for self-care, to recharge and replenish.

Ultimately, you are responsible for your own happiness and for protecting your peace of mind.

Take the time to show yourself loving care, practice daily affirming words or phrases.

Become comfortable saying no to people and situations that are a threat to your energy and or your happiness or peace of mind and do not allow guilt to creep in.

Self-preservation is a necessary part in maintaining your mental health.

Understand your own limits and triggers and don’t be afraid to express yourself and what you need.

You may love or interact with innumerable people over the course of your life, but the person that matters the most is the one you face in the mirror.

Take care of the person you see reflected there.

You matter!

~ Micaiah

Reflecting on my blessing

November is my birth month and as I get ready to celebrate my 47th revolution around the sun on the 10th I sit back and think of what my life has been so far.

I must thank my parents, a bittersweet contemplation as they are both no longer on this earth with me. I continue to hold them in my heart and I pray I am a good representation of what they were both like as parents and individuals.

47 years and still so much I want to accomplish but I’ve learned that you can’t discount the little things in your life when counting blessings.

Sometimes we get caught up waiting for the “big blessings” and forget to be OK with having enough. There are so many people that do need have enough to meet their basic needs and yet we all get caught up in the vanity of our desires. But it’s here and now as I contemplate my life thus far that I make a conscious effort to be OK with enough. I know that more good things are destined for my life, but even if there weren’t I couldn’t complain because I’ve been greatly blessed. Blessed with a 2-parent home growing up, siblings, friends that became family, great school experiences, introduction to art and culture, self-identity, traveling outside my city and state, motherhood, skills, creative mind-set, nursing career and more. Phew! That’s a lot to be thankful for.

I also have come to realize how important it is to take the time to make the time. We often say we are too busy with life, family and work. But when you lose a loved one or friend and you reflect on all the missed moments that you were “too busy” you come to realize that you will make time and effort for things and people that are truly important. Love just can’t be spoken it has to be shown to truly be felt in its wholeness. There is no better feeling than true love, friendship and admiration. If someone crosses your mind call them or visit. Don’t rely on social media and allow it to replace the intimacy of human contact and interaction.

And although at times I think I should be much further in life than I am, I also understand I am exactly where I need to be, and I helped exactly who I needed to by being exactly where I am. So, I am appreciating and trusting the process.

I will continue to dream my dreams and chase my goals. I will take the time, to make the time for family and friends. I will laugh, love and live. Most of all I will be thankful for enough and remember that I am enough personified!

Remember to make the time between the dash count!

~Micaiah