It seems there must be a shortage on sheep, because I can’t find a single one to count myself to sleep.
It seems the older I become the more insomnia becomes my best friend.
The life and mind of a procrastinating creative, ha. I lie in bed thinking of all the things I could be doing, writing or creating, while at the same time doing nothing at all.
It’s the hamster wheel of thoughts that play in a loop that makes sleep seemingly impossible; yet you don’t want to rev up your engines too much because it’s counterproductive to becoming sleepy.
Are you just as frustrated reading this as I am feeling it?
Good, at least I’m not alone.
Melatonin only seems to work, when it’s time to wake up, then my body wants to relax and drift off into slumber. And yes, I’m aware that using electronics or blue light counteracts the Melatonin kicking in your natural circadian rhythm.
However, there’s only so much laying in the dark thinking about sleep I can do before my mind requires more. It’s great when ideas come during the cloak of night, except when your alarm is set for 6 in the morning. Yet more often than not, my ideas strike at the most inopportune time. Instead of zzz’s, I have glowing embers from my thoughts and ideas.
Oh, how I envy my sister and daughter, who think the word sleep and then fall into blissful slumber as soon as their head hits the pillow. What type of sleep sorcery do they possess? I have yet to ascertain their magic formula. Nor is the sandman a friend of mine. The sandman tends to avoid me worse than a friend that owes you money they never plan to pay back.
Meditation works while I’m in the midst of it and then when the metaphorical tone sounds, denoting the end of the meditation, it never fails that my relaxed state ebbs away and I’m left to my thoughts, dreams and aspirations.
Reading doesn‘t work either, because I love to read and often have to force myself to put a book down and go to bed.
I guess I truly shouldn’t complain because being awake tonight did allow me to write this post, so maybe I should be thankful that just like Little Bo Peep, I’ve lost my sheep and don’t know where to find them. But I’m going to try real hard to wrangle up a few and catch a few zzz’s.
Lately, my life has been looking like a lane on I-75/I-71 going through Cincinnati, constantly under construction. I am constantly trying to get things in “order” so that I can be my “best” self. And I have come to realize just like the never ending construction that I bemoan on the highways that pass through my city, the construction in my life is also never ending and that’s okay.
My life my never be ideal or perfect, but just like we navigate through and around orange barrels, detours and redirects; we must do the same in our lives. Because whether it’s a street map or life map, if you keep driving/pushing eventually you will make it to your final destination.
That journey may not look like anyone else’s and while it’s frustrating to witness others arrive before you, it can also be inspirational and motivational. Perspective is the ability to change your outlook by changing your attitude or view of the situation. Sometimes life defers our moments so that we can better appreciate them when they occur. Trust that delayed is truly not denied.
While navigating my own detours and redirects, I have come to the realization that if you do not work daily to motivate yourself, you won’t be motivated. Motivation takes daily work, time and commitment. It also takes the gumption to stop putting off hard tasks, whether those tasks be physiological or psychological in nature; you have to show up and do the work.
My biggest weakness or flaw that I am constantly working on is procrastination. I allow myself to become comfortable with the excuses that I have told myself are acceptable so as to assuage the guilt of my complacency. Yeah, we feed ourselves excuses instead of feeding ourselves motivation sometimes. Starve your distractions and feed your focus is a mindset I have yet to master, but I’m under construction right? While it’s true I may be a constant work in progress, I still need to see some small steps towards progress; which means committing myself to work on the things that keep me from progressing i.e. my procrastination.
Procrastination is a low key arrogance issue, because it tends to create a false sense of being guaranteed the time of tomorrow. We all know tomorrow isn’t promised, yet we will allow ourselves the comfort of complacency by stating we will do “it” tomorrow, whatever “it” is. We need to take the leap and do it today.
Do “it” scared, unprepared, under stress, with less than optimal finances. Just do it! We can’t be worried about the messiness of our construction in our lives. It may not be pretty, but if that mess leads to your ultimate progress than it’s more than worth it.
I have determined not to give up or give in. I can’t be the next New York Times Best Selling Author if I’m not writing. I can’t be my best self if I’m not working and taking those small steps towards progress. So, I’ll be content with the orange barrels and detours in and around my life and remind myself that as long as I stay moving, eventually I’ll get to where I want to go and you will too.
When I was younger I had so many different dreams and aspirations of what I’d be in life. For a while I dreamed of having a law firm with two of my other friends we would be Baker, Bean and Reid Associates at Law.
Funny, only one of us actually went into law; but another one did throw her hat in a political/policy influencing arena and sits on Oakland’s City Council.
I, on the other hand, had no long standing law affiliated aspirations. I decided pretty early I’d go into the medical field, early enough that I decided to take Latin to help me later with all the medical terminology I’d learn, and boy it truly came in handy. While others struggled I seemed to breeze right through medical terminology, so much so, I tutored and assisted the instructor during Pharmacology classes for my Licensed Practical Nurse program.
I started as a Home Health Aide then became certified as a State Tested Nursing Assistant. Let me just say nursing assistants are the backbone of health care especially long term care and they don’t get enough attention and appreciation.
It’s hard, sometimes back breaking work, yes they have way more tools and lifting equipment now than they had back in 1993 when I started out, but still it’s laborious work, if you truly care and give your residents the care they deserve.
I didn’t get into the medical field for the money, I got into it for the care and service to the people. I truly have a heart to help others be their best selves. Lots of people chose a career in nursing because it’s an honest and noble living and because they too wanted to help and serve others and it showed in the quality and type of care given to the residents and patients.
In recent years, it seems more are turning to nursing as an easier way to make decent money with a short amount of schooling required to start.
You can definitely tell the difference in the quality of the nurses that are being turned out now versus in the past.
Too many people don’t do it for the passion, they do it to floss and flex for the masses and in the end it’s our sick and vulnerable populations that suffer. This lack of true caring and consideration is what burns out the nurses that truly have a heart for the people and care.
It’s not the patients that really wear you out it’s the policies and politicking. It’s the cuts and poor management and out of touch Administration. It’s coworkers that don’t give as good as they get. It’s work being piled onto your good and dependable worker and no recompense for the bad apples on the team.
Somehow, nursing has to turn back into the passion filled career it once was and not just the lucrative field it’s turning into. The nation is capitalistic and I know this more than anyone, but we also have a world of people that are living longer but chronically sicker, so we have to get back into the act of honestly caring for their well-being.
I had some excellent role models for nurses.
We need more older nurses willing to invest in and mentor these younger nurses. We need nurses that don’t eat and alienate their young. We need advanced practice nurses that humble themselves and realize that initials and titles don’t automatically equate to great nurses, it goes beyond that to mindset, common sense and skill set.
Honestly, I know lots of LPNs that I would allow to care for me before some RN’s. We can’t forget the struggle just because we make it beyond it. We have to remember the humanity in nursing and our why behind becoming one.
Nursing has to get back to the art of care and compassion we were known for.
So, as we embark upon another Nursing Week, I implore you to do your part in keeping nursing a compassionate and honorable profession.
If not for the sick and infirm there would be no need for the nurse.
And as you care for others always remember it could be you or someone close to you on the other end of needing care.
Shed the skin of expectancy and peel off the facade of perfection. Free your heart from the shortcomings of others and yourself. Unburden your shoulders from carrying the shame of associating with soulless beings. Cleanse your eyes from the blurry half truths and focus on the freedom of reality. Change occurs only with the realization that there is room for improvement. Whether you improve your physical, mental, emotional, financial or spiritual well-being it all ends in your betterment. Be better and most importantly love yourself through the process. ~micaiah
So I started with some hoarseness Friday 17th attributed to sleeping to close to AC vent didn’t feel horrible so didn’t think much of it. Sat morning dry cough that quickly became moist and accompanied by chills. Started isolating as not to give Jamiyah my “cold”. Continued all my immune boosting daily supplements. Sunday morning awakened with no sense of taste or smell and a 102 fever. Scheduled an appt for Trihealth in Walgreens and tested for Covid. Went back home and continued strict isolation precautions. Purchased pulse ox to closely monitor myself. At first I was staying 95-97% in room air then noticed fevers not staying away and sats dropping some. Tuesday result positive for Covid. Continued to push fluids, herbs, supplements, teas and lots of prayers. Weds night I felt I couldn’t breath as deeply and temp spiked higher, Early Thursday I could barely breath after going to bathroom so headed to Good Sam ER. Diagnosed with pneumonia on top of Covid and admitted. Breathing has been a struggle and I am on supplemental oxygen but I am doing better than some so I won’t complain. The Nurses at Good Sam have been great. My Dr Anjum Najeed has been proactive and started me on Redemsivir so today will be dose 3, praying to see real marked improvement. This has been rough to put it mildly, but I have so many praying friends and family members that even though I am physically without visitors I feel surrounded by love and support. Special thanks to The Almighty that has already told me I’ll be victorious in this battle and for blessing me with a daughter that is wise beyond her years and understands far more than even some adults. Also thanks to my sister Rhonda Baker Napier and cousin Jamasha Hardy for ensuring I don’t have to worry about Jamiyah while fighting my way back to health. To all my sisters, sister-friends, brothers, friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, play cousins, God parents, bffs, nieces and nephew’s and coworkers. I love and appreciate you all! Keep the prayers coming. Victory is Near❤️❤️❤️❤️HalleLuYAH!!!!
I do not need color blind friends, because if you claim not to see color then, do you really see me?
Do you see the inherent differences in the way people of color are treated? How we are asked to forget and get over our trauma while others are allowed to embrace theirs.
I need people who see the differences and fight to change those things which are wrong and unjust. If you are not a person of color you may never understand exactly what we are up against and that’s ok. Just be empathetic towards our fight and not silently complicit.
No one would have to shout Black Lives Matter if All Lives truly Mattered because we would be included in that number. But clearly, we are not included and that’s why we continue to make noise!
The government has shown us repeatedly a closed mouth don’t get fed. If we want change we have to demand it, asking nicely since 1619 has gotten us nothing but traumatized.