Love is

“What love looks and feels like changes with the evolution of your mental state. With maturity and growth, there will come a time that you look back at your past failed relationships and become thankful that the Almighty interceded before they could make it into your future.” ~ Micaiahism

We’ve all heard or even experienced the fact that at time love hurts. Well, it’s not entirely accurate, love didn’t do a thing, it was the person we attached the feelings of love to that caused the pain. Whether it was a pain derived from family, friend or from an intimate partner it changes you. Some people carry the pain or trauma with them for a life time, it becomes baggage from unhealed wounds, a relationship hazard.

We must learn to look at endings and not only see or feel the hurt and devastation, but also see the blessing in the lesson. People cannot love others if they are not first taught the importance of loving themselves. Parents are people first and foremost, with that said, if a person is not taught how to be caring and selfless it is not inherent to all. Self-love is critical for building the foundation upon which any relationship will stand. Without it, people are left to the whims of being driven by the emotions, reactions and thoughts of others. When we do not first love ourselves, we erroneously believe that are happiness is ultimately tied to others.

When you are blessed to evolve in your thinking and become enlightened to the fact that happiness is a choice and an inside job, it gives you the power back that once was placed in the hands of others. Happiness is relative to the person that chooses to embrace it. That does not mean the person won’t experience sad times, but it does mean they understand that there is balance in everything and that a sad time does not have to equate to overwhelming or depressed emotions. The same is true of self-love, once you understand that you must look past and forgive yourself for your flaws and or imperfections, past mistakes and negative self-talk, then you are able to love yourself unconditionally.

We must learn to leave baggage where it is if its weight hinders us from moving forward. Stop assuming you need to unpack it, sometimes you just need to throw it all away, it’s just a reminder of what didn’t fit or what didn’t work. You don’t need the reminder if it only works to keep you stagnant and wallowing in the feeling of defeat or inadequacy. Throwing away that baggage may entail you getting therapy to talk through the hurt, journaling, meditation, spiritual cleansing, prayer, fasting or a multitude if other methods, whatever it takes do it. You will always be worth your best efforts.

Love looks different as you mature and evolve, sometimes love looks like peace of mind and time spent communing with yourself. You must determine what love looks and feels like and once you do, don’t settle for anything less.

~micaiah

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Needed: Your Presence, not your Presents

As a parent you want to protect your children from all hurt and harm, you want to allow them to grow up feeling loved and fulfilled. It hurts as a parent when you realize that no matter how much you pray, chant, meditate or voice it to the universe, you can’t force an absent parent to feel the way you do.

And child support doesn’t equate to active participation. Money can never replace time spent.

It hurts to realize the person you shared such an intimate part of yourself with, that culminated in the conception of such a unique and beautiful creation, doesn’t want to be involved with that creation. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances were surrounding the birth, the child itself is a blessing. Point blank period.

Of course there are those that will say that’s why you should be married before having children or truly know the person, marriage is not a guarantee, they end daily and people walk away from children just like they do the marriage and you can have known someone for years and years, but once something changes from fun and free to responsibility, people can change before your very eyes.

It’s funny that some people will risk it all over pleasure and self-serving gratification, but won’t risk anything over integrity by doing what’s right even when it’s not easy or convenient.

It hurts because no matter how much you love your child, a mother cannot be a father and likewise a father cannot be a mother. But we try and love our child enough not to feel the void of the absent parent. Sometimes we attempt to overcompensate with an abundance of materialistic things or by being more friendly than parental towards our children. But trust, even with the best of efforts they eventually feel the void.

And while if you are a mature parent, you will try to find a way to gently explain that it’s not that the absent parent doesn’t love them, but rather that some people just are not ready or capable of being selfless enough to be parents. It falls flat on ears waiting to hear the sound of the missing parents voice. It falls short of explaining why they have to have an uncle or grandfather at the daddy/daughter dance or why they have an aunt or grandmother at the son/mommy dinner.

These absences play such a major part in the future relationships that the child will have, especially with the opposite sex. It’s hard for a female to learn to trust a man and to understand their role as provider and protector, when dad didn’t find her precious enough to guard and protect. And it’s hard for a male to learn to value women when the one that carried him for 9 months could just then turn and walk away. These children through no fault of their own, may grow to see themselves as less than worthy.

If one is lucky they will find other adults, men and women that serve as role models and mentees that help fill the void, or they will be blessed with a parent that showers them with love and loving, esteeming affirmations on a daily.

In truth it doesn’t take a lot of time, energy, effort or courage to create a life, but it does to raise one! Let’s show our youth that they’re worth the effort and put aside what’s easy and convenient. Make the time, to spend the time. If the custodial parent makes it hard to see the child, take them to court for your right to be involved. Make a call, send a card, write a letter even when they’re too young to read, at least they’ll know you tried, that they mattered enough for you to make an effort.

Father’s and Mother’s claim your place and be present. Children don’t need your presents; they need combined parental presence!

~Micaiah

Circle of life

The difference between life and death is literally breath!

In order to be blessed with the gift of life, you will at some point and time experience the pain of physical death. I say physical death because the spirit of a person lives far beyond the physical body is capable of.

Remember, life although a blessing does not always seem fair and likewise death does not discriminate taking old and young alike.

It’s hard not to question those things which you truly do not understand, it does not make you a bad person it makes you one that is hurting.

How you deal with death is a personal thing and likewise so is the grieving process.

No one can tell someone else how to grieve or what an acceptable grieving time frame should be.

Rather we have to understand that there are varying stages of grief and they are not always followed in a logical or sequential order.

Loss of life causes a gaping hole in the lives of those connected to the person.

We grieve not just the loss of life, but sometimes we lose purpose and connection that the person afforded us.

For those who have become caregivers of the deceased, we have to now find something to fill the free time we find ourselves with.

What do we do with ourselves when our days are no longer bombarded with caring for others, doctors appointments, cooking, cleaning and the like?

What happens when we are no longer busy, being busy?

That is usually the time when grief becomes real, after the memorials, funerals and family have all gone back to living their lives.

The grief can be enveloping and if you are not careful, all consuming. It can be the heaviest thing you have ever carried in your life and without a support system, it can overtake and overpower you.

Whether that support system is friends/family, spirituality or faith based, ground yourself in that support.

It’s easy to isolate yourself and feel as if no one else knows the pain of your loss and while all loss is individualized in how it affects you, there are many others that have felt the pain of loss in their lives.

I have learned through the many experiences I have had with death, those occurring naturally and even murder, ranging from miscarriage, childhood best friends, parents, sibling and other family members that the best way to honor a death is to keep or start living a purpose filled life.

Death, if nothing else, teaches us that time is limited and for some it is more limited than for others.

We must live each day with the determination to live our best life. It is the simplest way to honor the love, legacy and spirit of those that have gone before us.

Does that mean we won’t have days filled with tears or intermittent moments of sadness, of course not, emotions and the ability to express those feelings make us intimately more human.

But don’t drown in those depressed emotions, because life with all its twists and turns is a true gift and we must go on!

Time doesn’t truly erase all grief, but it does make it a lighter load to bear!

So brush off the happiest memory you can find from the recesses of your mind and clothe yourself in that memory.

Let the warmth of that moment envelope you and let the smile that it brings act as a light to illuminate all your darkest hours.

Go forth love, laugh and most of all LIVE!!

~micaiah

 

 

Brokenness

In life we encounter people that cannot begin to love/respect you as a friend, mate, and sibling or even as a coworker, because of the brokenness of their own spirit and self-esteem. And we as humans think that it is our duty, especially if we say we love/care for someone, to attempt to fix them even at the risk of our own well-being. Love can be a tricky thing, because it can have you ignore logic and pay attention solely to emotions which can be hazardous to one’s health. When someone for whatever reason is so broken that they cannot love and respect themselves by making healthy and emotionally sound decisions, it will be impossible for them to be involved in a healthy, loving, respectful relationship.

People cannot give to others what they cannot give to themselves.

You cannot love people whole. What you can do is love them enough to encourage them to love and tend to themselves. You can be supportive without being an enabler and motivate them to care enough for themselves to want better, to want to be whole.

Thinking solely with our heart we will fool ourselves into believing that if we accept the brokenness, if we just stand beside them long enough, we can will them into changing. Let me tell you that if a glass falls and breaks, if you are in the vicinity you will get cut as it shatters. Those cuts may not be physical, they may come in the form of mental and emotional exhaustion. Broken people cannot make deposits into you, they only make withdrawals, and it is but one symptom of their brokenness.

That is why you have to put limits on your involvement, pray for them, but let them know you are not OK being in an unevenly yoked relationship and yes, the relationship can be a friendship, work relationship etc.  People need to understand that their brokenness affects others and it’s not OK to stay broken and expect the people around you to make concessions forever.

Tough love can be a wonderful thing and acting as a mirror to a person that cannot see themselves is even more wonderful.

Peace cannot live in the place where chaos dwells. So free yourself from the broken relationship. Pray for them and encourage them to fix themselves.

Most of all be sure to protect and love yourself enough to love them from a safe distance.~micaiah

Soul-Ar Eclipse

I was afraid of my own electrifying power

So I eclipsed my light

I allowed life to live me

I didn’t trust myself to live life

Taking comfort in the solace that darkness brings

While pushing others into their self-fulfilled spotlights

The light that illuminates the flaws and glares blindingly

In the mirror of introspection

Helping others, while allowing my own dreams to be sacrificed in martyrdom

Providing artificial comfort opposed to the the prospect of failure

Until I looked into the brown eyes of an innocent soul

Created in my image

Peering up at me with the expectancy for the appearance of my greatness

Its what was whispered into that young soul from her conception

Bouncing off the walls of the womb in a staccato symphony of what would be

So in the face of such innocent revelry

The nondescript camouflage of complacency

Had to be replaced

With an outfit of Divine Design

Reminding the sleeping Goddess within

That light sprang forth from the Darkness

Its a moral sin to hold such greatness in

Shine on!!!

~Micaiah

It takes a Fool to Learn

I speak from the perspective of a woman, after all that is what I am.

Sometimes as women we accept preconceived notions and we convince ourselves that these notions work for us. For example, men who habitually cheat, (please note there is a difference between a man who sneaks, lies and deals treacherously then one whom expresses in truthfulness that he is not interested in being with just one woman), just because the truth may hurt, doesn’t make it less true. Anyway, some women accept that lying cheat as the evidence that all men cheat and in turn she should get used to being treated as less deserving.

These same women put up with the lies and disrespect because she figures she had better stick with what she knows, rather than to risk the unknown. They think it’ll be the same thing,  with a different man; never understanding that lack of boundaries helped create this lack of respect. You can’t accept people’s garbage and then wonder why they treat you like trash. It’s like having Stockholm Syndrome and loving and having empathy for your abuser, because whether you recognize it as such, placing yourself in a situation to be degraded through treachery and lies is emotional and mental abuse, which leads to feelings of worthlessness and lowered esteem.

What you allow is what will continue. You have to command respect and if those demands aren’t met you have to love yourself enough to walk away from any situation that culminates in you being treated less than the treasure you are.

Women please don’t look at being alone as being lonely, use that time to define and refine You. Treat yourself to all the things you deserve. Learn the beauty and peace in self-love and self-respect, learn the soul fulfilling joy of peace of mind.

Do not allow someone else to become so important to you that you lose yourself and lose your dignity.

Forgive yourself for lapses in judgments and bad decisions and choices, as you know better, be determined to do better and you can’t safely move forward if you’re stuck looking backwards.

A Queen doesn’t stop being royalty just because there is no King by her side. So clothe yourself in love and crown yourself in self-worth and don’t allow anyone to treat you as less than Regal woman that you are.

 ~Everyone at some time or another has played the fool for love, the trick is in not being comfortable remaining one!

~micaiah