Work on you
Tag: endings
Hil
never can say good bye
even after a year it still seems foreign to try
I remember being awakened from my sleep
to cries that you were now resting in peace
for a second I lost touch with reality
Could this really be true
but I soon gained more proof
the world had truly lost you
it’s hard living life with no more talks
no more shared books read
or inside jokes
I just knew we’d grow to be old folks
You were my sister, my friend and a spiritual sharpener
when your soul left
time seemed to stand still
it felt surreal
I was bereft
left fumbling to rationalize within my mind,
to accept this loss as a truth
There are days I’m great
and there’s days when simply I’m not
I know life is for living so I keep pushing I dare not stop
There is so much more I needed to share
so much more wisdom and encouragement I needed to hear
You were a sister-friend so near and dear to my heart.
I carry your memories forever with me may they never depart.
~micaiah
Continue to rest in power SisđŸ’™
Hilakiyah Yisrael 3/10/70-5/5/2019
The Circle of Life
Whenever anyone dies, it’s a humbling moment to remind us all of our mortality. No matter how we live or our socioeconomic backgrounds, we all have an expiration date.
Whether you believe in a higher power or not doesn’t negate the certainty of death.
The recent unexpected and tragic death of Kobe Bryant along with 8 other individuals rocked many.
Unexpected deaths are always hard, because there is no time to prepare or guard your emotions.
Now that I’m in my late forties and both my parents and several close friends have passed, it’s hard not to get caught up in an avalanche of grief and tears when hearing about the death of others.
It’s as if the grief of others, stirs up a hornets nest of emotions within me and I know from reading other peoples social media posts and comments that I’m not alone in those feelings.
I honestly have to force myself to limit time on social media as it can become too heavy a burden to bear. Energy no matter the source, can be transferred.
It’s important to take time for self care and to regroup after tragic events or the death of others.
It’s easy to allow the darkness and cloak of depression to envelop you into a false sense of comfort.
Don’t be fooled, your light is not out. The flame may have flickered, but as long as you have breath that light still shines.
So, I’ve committed to living more intentionally.
To appreciate the days and make them count.
To create new and lasting memories.
To live, laugh and love and show appreciation for all those in my life.
To let go of the small stuff and focus on the bigger picture.
I’ve committed to be a better version of myself and live each day to the fullest, because we never know when it will be our last.
~Micaiah
I Wish I didn’t Know
I wish I didn’t know…
that one day every living thing must one day go
back to the dust from which it came.
I wish I didn’t know…
that sometimes people don’t get healed
and pain unleashed reveals itself in an avalanche of tears.
I wish I didn’t know…
That cancer is a monster and not just a sign of the zodiac
it doesn’t respect persons old or young and runs you ragged and tortures you before it’s done.
I wish I didn’t know…
friendships don’t always last until you grow old
sometimes death severs it’s hold.
I wish I didn’t know…
Life will give you bitter with the sweet
and bad things sometimes happens to the good folks you meet.
I wish I didn’t know…
That grief can last forever, it’s coping mechanisms that change
When you lose someone you love,
life is never quite the same.
I wish I didn’t know.
~micaiah
Changing Seasons
Her heart was warm and vibrant pumping a selfless type of love
It pumped until its chambers were depleted
a supply unreciprocated will dry up
and like the changing seasons
her personality changed too
unrequited love changed her confidence into insecurity
She couldn’t quite remember when she lost sight of herself
She’s pretty sure it happened when she was pouring so much into others
Somehow they gained vibrancy at her expense as she turned into a less vibrant copy of her former self
Somehow she started to internalize the outward inaction of another and took ownership of issues that didn’t start with her
and they allowed her to because she was to magnificent to behold in all her technicolor majestic-ness
But with her bathed in shades of grey they seemed so much more appealing than they actually were
So they attempted to lull her into accepting the fantasy as a reality
and for a while they were successful
they tied those rose colored glasses to her face with strings of lies, laden with whispers of sweet nothings and orgasmic soul ties
Emotions took control and logic took a back seat
And the color continued to be drained from her
until her insides were as black as a starless night
She lost her zeal and ultimately her appeal and the love leech went scouting for a new host
leaving her to fall freely
and for a while she lay there covered in blackness and feeling buried
until realizing during her fall those glasses and bindings were knocked loose
there was a light in the darkness
as she sprouted from the darkness
she realized she was never buried
she was planted
and as she grew into a new version of herself
her color returned
along with a fierce love of self
the season had changed and
so had she
this was her season
she was back and more vibrant than before
because she realized her moment of weakness and falling
did not define her
her ability
to get back up did.
~micaiah
A love more deserving
She loved him past his faults
And despite his flaws.
She loved him when his words
didn’t match his actions.
She loved his potential,
her vision of how great he could be.
She loved him
until
she realized her love
couldn’t change him
no, only he could do that.
And while she loved him,
through the hurt and disappointment,
she grew and evolved
to the point she recognized
it was time to let go
and love herself more
than she loved him.
And when she let go,
she allowed herself
to be blessed
with a love more deserving.
~micaiah
The Love She Needed
She contemplated all her endings
In an effort to facilitate a new beginning
She couldn’t place all the blame on them
When the endings looked so similar
yet
she was the only common denominator
The commonality of her attractions was a flaw in her character
In her need to fix others
She attracted unhealed mates that flocked to her to be healed
Only to take their healed selves elsewhere
Leaving the fixer wounded
Momentarily put off from healing another
She covered her heart in armor
Daring anyone to penetrate her self imposed fortress
She was punishing herself
Not realizing a heart locked up finds it hard to beat
Even for oneself
So she tore the wall away
Because she realized she deserved her own best efforts
Her heart was resilient and destined to thrive, to love and be loved
She changed the inconsistent and conflicted parts within herself
She reflected the love she was
And was content to love herself
until someone came along
and reflected back to her
the love she needed.
~Micaiah
End to begin again
What happens when you are lovers and friends
When the loveship must come to an abrupt end
Sometimes you never get to expound on the relationship
due to extraneous life induced situationships
It’s so hard to remove a true love from your head and heart
When that’s where all the loving memories start
When you’ve been in each other lives so long there is a connection
and intertwining of families
Soul connections made when in each others hearts and arms we laid
But life brings about change and to the heart change isn’t always fair
And so away from one another we must now tear
Ourselves
in order to build upon foundations laid with others
and pray that one day we can love someone else
with the same soulful passion with which we loved one another.
~micaiah
MYD Dreams 