Kisses like Wishes

Kisses like wishes

That make dreams come true

Drawing smiley faces on papers

Lost in thoughts of you

I see traces of you and I expressed

Vicariously through watching the love of others

As I wonder how many more minutes

Before we are entrenched in the heat

And scent of one another

I wear the essence of you like perfume

It’s the sweetest of smells to me

It’s an unspoken testament of

your promise to be there for me

As you split my thighs like the Red Sea

Performed miracles to win my heart from me

Our bodies touched and souls knew

That there would never be another who’d do

The things that we do to one another

Too holy to be voodoo

Yet unholy enough to make us blush at the memories

Of just how open we are for one another

You breathed life in me and I exhaled the stress out of you

As we created a mystic language entangled in arms and legs

Exchanging energies

We don’t lose

it’s a reciprocal cycle of charging you

and you in turn recharging me

Kisses like wishes

Forever lost in thoughts of you.

~Micaiah

Adrift and bereft

I haven’t written in a while. I was transitioning in my feelings from numb to grieving, once again death called a friend home and left me feeling adrift and bereft. Untethered just floating in a sea of feelings and unleashed emotions

Death is hard, but unexpected death, one not a result of some chronic or terminal illness is even harder; especially when it’s a best friend. A confidante and kindred spirit, someone that you laughingly joked about growing old with. It was surreal seeing her lifeless and so still. She had always been so lively and full of life. Her Aura would bring light to any room, but death robbed the world of her presence.

I’m a spiritual being so I know all souls belong to the Creator and are only on a short loan to those of us that live in this earthly world. Even knowing and understanding her latter end doesn’t make the pain any less intense.

Witnessing another mother bury her child is something I dread each and every time, because by nature I’m an empath and I feel things deeply and knowing I can do nothing to repair the hole left is gut wrenching. Of course I can offer help and sympathy but those things don’t touch that feeling that resides deep in one’s soul when they suffer the loss of someone close to them. I can’t begin to imagine what it feels like for a mother to lose the very person that grew inside her womb.

The older I get it seems the more prayers and condolences I extend, and yet the world keeps turning and days continue into night. And although death changes the world of those effected, the rest of the world goes on. And although at times you wish you could curl up in a ball and just forget about everything and everyone else, you can’t, because you still have life within you.

And because you inherently know you have a responsibility to keep the memory and love of the deceased alive. So you surf the waves of your grief, you allow yourself to feel, but you fight to keep your head above water because you don’t want to purposely hasten your own demise and be the cause of someone’s else’s grief.

The circle of life keeps turning much like the earth. We latch on to friends and family and every golden memory we can in an effort to establish a new normal.

That’s where I find myself, trying to find my new normal, without one of my best friend’s advice and input, one without her notes left in my library books on the hold shelf. A life that is without her text messages full of inside jokes and one that is without her book nerd humor and shared favorite authors and titles. One without her voice and knowing they’ll be no new songs sung it’s all still so hard to comprehend.

But I know she would push me forward and want me to accomplish all the goals and dreams we had discussed. She’d want to see me smile and laugh and enjoy life fully. So some way somehow I will, because to keep a smile on my face and joy in my heart may just be one of the best ways to remember her.

Missing you and loving you forever my friend

In Loving Memory of Hilakiyah Yisrael 3/10/1970-5/5/2019

~Micaiah

The Love She Needed

She contemplated all her endings

In an effort to facilitate a new beginning

She couldn’t place all the blame on them

When the endings looked so similar

yet

she was the only common denominator

The commonality of her attractions was a flaw in her character

In her need to fix others

She attracted unhealed mates that flocked to her to be healed

Only to take their healed selves elsewhere

Leaving the fixer wounded

Momentarily put off from healing another

She covered her heart in armor

Daring anyone to penetrate her self imposed fortress

She was punishing herself

Not realizing a heart locked up finds it hard to beat

Even for oneself

So she tore the wall away

Because she realized she deserved her own best efforts

Her heart was resilient and destined to thrive, to love and be loved

She changed the inconsistent and conflicted parts within herself

She reflected the love she was

And was content to love herself

until someone came along

and reflected back to her

the love she needed.

~Micaiah

End to begin again

What happens when you are lovers and friends

When the loveship must come to an abrupt end

Sometimes you never get to expound on the relationship

due to extraneous life induced situationships

It’s so hard to remove a true love from your head and heart

When that’s where all the loving memories start

When you’ve been in each other lives so long there is a connection

and intertwining of families

Soul connections made when in each others hearts and arms we laid

But life brings about change and to the heart change isn’t always fair

And so away from one another we must now tear

Ourselves

in order to build upon foundations laid with others

and pray that one day we can love someone else

with the same soulful passion with which we loved one another.

~micaiah

In Sync

Forehead kisses to her third eye

Allowing her more opportunities to say thank you

Than you’re welcome

Understanding her desire to have help

Not because she can’t do it alone

But because you recognize the fact she shouldn’t have to

Allowing her to be vulnerable

Without feeling weak or preyed upon

Respecting her intelligence

And praising her resilience

Recognizing the hard exterior is part of her adapting to life without a mate

Understanding your strength and patience is a catalyst to her shedding that outer layer

Knowing how to stimulate her mind and evoke orgasms without ever touching her body

Speaking to her soul so that she knows

You’re the missing piece

To synchronize the rhythm of her heart beat.

~micaiah

Next lifetime

You ever had someone speak to your very soul,

they looked into your eyes and your very thoughts they’d know?  


With just a mention of their name they send your heart a flutter,


and they make you feel inspired but  at the same time so nervous you stutter?


Someone who stimulates your mind,
taking intelligent and sexy to a whole different level and time,


but the sad part about it, it’s not the right time


For me to be yours and for you to be mine


and inherently you know
No matter how perfectly the stars seemed to align


you have to put off this soul connection
until the next lifetime.

~micaiah

Love Missed

I haven’t written a poem in a while. I was just laying in bed listening to rain drops and this came pouring out.

Guess the rain did its job.

Check it out

I miss the potential of you that I conjured up in all my imaginings

When I saw what you could be, if only you were brave enough to grow and evolve from who you were

When I inhaled the scent of you and basked in the warmth of your embrace

I miss your lips implanting the sweetest of nothing’s as you kissed my 3rd eye and opened me up too receive all that was good, special and magical about you

I miss the heat that blushing brings to my face and the moist desire gathering between my thighs as I remember the sensual details you whispered of all the things you’d like to do to me

I miss the encouragement and support that your friendship brings

A pillar of protection from life’s storms and pain

I miss the perfect representation of Love we could represent by being our imperfectly authentic selves

I miss the security of knowing my heart could rest safely in your hands and you’d cherish it like the most precious of gifts

I miss ignorance being bliss and not knowing the emptiness of love missed.

~micaiah

Love is

“What love looks and feels like changes with the evolution of your mental state. With maturity and growth, there will come a time that you look back at your past failed relationships and become thankful that the Almighty interceded before they could make it into your future.” ~ Micaiahism

We’ve all heard or even experienced the fact that at time love hurts. Well, it’s not entirely accurate, love didn’t do a thing, it was the person we attached the feelings of love to that caused the pain. Whether it was a pain derived from family, friend or from an intimate partner it changes you. Some people carry the pain or trauma with them for a life time, it becomes baggage from unhealed wounds, a relationship hazard.

We must learn to look at endings and not only see or feel the hurt and devastation, but also see the blessing in the lesson. People cannot love others if they are not first taught the importance of loving themselves. Parents are people first and foremost, with that said, if a person is not taught how to be caring and selfless it is not inherent to all. Self-love is critical for building the foundation upon which any relationship will stand. Without it, people are left to the whims of being driven by the emotions, reactions and thoughts of others. When we do not first love ourselves, we erroneously believe that are happiness is ultimately tied to others.

When you are blessed to evolve in your thinking and become enlightened to the fact that happiness is a choice and an inside job, it gives you the power back that once was placed in the hands of others. Happiness is relative to the person that chooses to embrace it. That does not mean the person won’t experience sad times, but it does mean they understand that there is balance in everything and that a sad time does not have to equate to overwhelming or depressed emotions. The same is true of self-love, once you understand that you must look past and forgive yourself for your flaws and or imperfections, past mistakes and negative self-talk, then you are able to love yourself unconditionally.

We must learn to leave baggage where it is if its weight hinders us from moving forward. Stop assuming you need to unpack it, sometimes you just need to throw it all away, it’s just a reminder of what didn’t fit or what didn’t work. You don’t need the reminder if it only works to keep you stagnant and wallowing in the feeling of defeat or inadequacy. Throwing away that baggage may entail you getting therapy to talk through the hurt, journaling, meditation, spiritual cleansing, prayer, fasting or a multitude if other methods, whatever it takes do it. You will always be worth your best efforts.

Love looks different as you mature and evolve, sometimes love looks like peace of mind and time spent communing with yourself. You must determine what love looks and feels like and once you do, don’t settle for anything less.

~micaiah

Needed: Your Presence, not your Presents

As a parent you want to protect your children from all hurt and harm, you want to allow them to grow up feeling loved and fulfilled. It hurts as a parent when you realize that no matter how much you pray, chant, meditate or voice it to the universe, you can’t force an absent parent to feel the way you do.

And child support doesn’t equate to active participation. Money can never replace time spent.

It hurts to realize the person you shared such an intimate part of yourself with, that culminated in the conception of such a unique and beautiful creation, doesn’t want to be involved with that creation. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances were surrounding the birth, the child itself is a blessing. Point blank period.

Of course there are those that will say that’s why you should be married before having children or truly know the person, marriage is not a guarantee, they end daily and people walk away from children just like they do the marriage and you can have known someone for years and years, but once something changes from fun and free to responsibility, people can change before your very eyes.

It’s funny that some people will risk it all over pleasure and self-serving gratification, but won’t risk anything over integrity by doing what’s right even when it’s not easy or convenient.

It hurts because no matter how much you love your child, a mother cannot be a father and likewise a father cannot be a mother. But we try and love our child enough not to feel the void of the absent parent. Sometimes we attempt to overcompensate with an abundance of materialistic things or by being more friendly than parental towards our children. But trust, even with the best of efforts they eventually feel the void.

And while if you are a mature parent, you will try to find a way to gently explain that it’s not that the absent parent doesn’t love them, but rather that some people just are not ready or capable of being selfless enough to be parents. It falls flat on ears waiting to hear the sound of the missing parents voice. It falls short of explaining why they have to have an uncle or grandfather at the daddy/daughter dance or why they have an aunt or grandmother at the son/mommy dinner.

These absences play such a major part in the future relationships that the child will have, especially with the opposite sex. It’s hard for a female to learn to trust a man and to understand their role as provider and protector, when dad didn’t find her precious enough to guard and protect. And it’s hard for a male to learn to value women when the one that carried him for 9 months could just then turn and walk away. These children through no fault of their own, may grow to see themselves as less than worthy.

If one is lucky they will find other adults, men and women that serve as role models and mentees that help fill the void, or they will be blessed with a parent that showers them with love and loving, esteeming affirmations on a daily.

In truth it doesn’t take a lot of time, energy, effort or courage to create a life, but it does to raise one! Let’s show our youth that they’re worth the effort and put aside what’s easy and convenient. Make the time, to spend the time. If the custodial parent makes it hard to see the child, take them to court for your right to be involved. Make a call, send a card, write a letter even when they’re too young to read, at least they’ll know you tried, that they mattered enough for you to make an effort.

Father’s and Mother’s claim your place and be present. Children don’t need your presents; they need combined parental presence!

~Micaiah

Circle of life

The difference between life and death is literally breath!

In order to be blessed with the gift of life, you will at some point and time experience the pain of physical death. I say physical death because the spirit of a person lives far beyond the physical body is capable of.

Remember, life although a blessing does not always seem fair and likewise death does not discriminate taking old and young alike.

It’s hard not to question those things which you truly do not understand, it does not make you a bad person it makes you one that is hurting.

How you deal with death is a personal thing and likewise so is the grieving process.

No one can tell someone else how to grieve or what an acceptable grieving time frame should be.

Rather we have to understand that there are varying stages of grief and they are not always followed in a logical or sequential order.

Loss of life causes a gaping hole in the lives of those connected to the person.

We grieve not just the loss of life, but sometimes we lose purpose and connection that the person afforded us.

For those who have become caregivers of the deceased, we have to now find something to fill the free time we find ourselves with.

What do we do with ourselves when our days are no longer bombarded with caring for others, doctors appointments, cooking, cleaning and the like?

What happens when we are no longer busy, being busy?

That is usually the time when grief becomes real, after the memorials, funerals and family have all gone back to living their lives.

The grief can be enveloping and if you are not careful, all consuming. It can be the heaviest thing you have ever carried in your life and without a support system, it can overtake and overpower you.

Whether that support system is friends/family, spirituality or faith based, ground yourself in that support.

It’s easy to isolate yourself and feel as if no one else knows the pain of your loss and while all loss is individualized in how it affects you, there are many others that have felt the pain of loss in their lives.

I have learned through the many experiences I have had with death, those occurring naturally and even murder, ranging from miscarriage, childhood best friends, parents, sibling and other family members that the best way to honor a death is to keep or start living a purpose filled life.

Death, if nothing else, teaches us that time is limited and for some it is more limited than for others.

We must live each day with the determination to live our best life. It is the simplest way to honor the love, legacy and spirit of those that have gone before us.

Does that mean we won’t have days filled with tears or intermittent moments of sadness, of course not, emotions and the ability to express those feelings make us intimately more human.

But don’t drown in those depressed emotions, because life with all its twists and turns is a true gift and we must go on!

Time doesn’t truly erase all grief, but it does make it a lighter load to bear!

So brush off the happiest memory you can find from the recesses of your mind and clothe yourself in that memory.

Let the warmth of that moment envelope you and let the smile that it brings act as a light to illuminate all your darkest hours.

Go forth love, laugh and most of all LIVE!!

~micaiah