Love is

“What love looks and feels like changes with the evolution of your mental state. With maturity and growth, there will come a time that you look back at your past failed relationships and become thankful that the Almighty interceded before they could make it into your future.” ~ Micaiahism

We’ve all heard or even experienced the fact that at time love hurts. Well, it’s not entirely accurate, love didn’t do a thing, it was the person we attached the feelings of love to that caused the pain. Whether it was a pain derived from family, friend or from an intimate partner it changes you. Some people carry the pain or trauma with them for a life time, it becomes baggage from unhealed wounds, a relationship hazard.

We must learn to look at endings and not only see or feel the hurt and devastation, but also see the blessing in the lesson. People cannot love others if they are not first taught the importance of loving themselves. Parents are people first and foremost, with that said, if a person is not taught how to be caring and selfless it is not inherent to all. Self-love is critical for building the foundation upon which any relationship will stand. Without it, people are left to the whims of being driven by the emotions, reactions and thoughts of others. When we do not first love ourselves, we erroneously believe that are happiness is ultimately tied to others.

When you are blessed to evolve in your thinking and become enlightened to the fact that happiness is a choice and an inside job, it gives you the power back that once was placed in the hands of others. Happiness is relative to the person that chooses to embrace it. That does not mean the person won’t experience sad times, but it does mean they understand that there is balance in everything and that a sad time does not have to equate to overwhelming or depressed emotions. The same is true of self-love, once you understand that you must look past and forgive yourself for your flaws and or imperfections, past mistakes and negative self-talk, then you are able to love yourself unconditionally.

We must learn to leave baggage where it is if its weight hinders us from moving forward. Stop assuming you need to unpack it, sometimes you just need to throw it all away, it’s just a reminder of what didn’t fit or what didn’t work. You don’t need the reminder if it only works to keep you stagnant and wallowing in the feeling of defeat or inadequacy. Throwing away that baggage may entail you getting therapy to talk through the hurt, journaling, meditation, spiritual cleansing, prayer, fasting or a multitude if other methods, whatever it takes do it. You will always be worth your best efforts.

Love looks different as you mature and evolve, sometimes love looks like peace of mind and time spent communing with yourself. You must determine what love looks and feels like and once you do, don’t settle for anything less.

~micaiah

Needed: Your Presence, not your Presents

As a parent you want to protect your children from all hurt and harm, you want to allow them to grow up feeling loved and fulfilled. It hurts as a parent when you realize that no matter how much you pray, chant, meditate or voice it to the universe, you can’t force an absent parent to feel the way you do.

And child support doesn’t equate to active participation. Money can never replace time spent.

It hurts to realize the person you shared such an intimate part of yourself with, that culminated in the conception of such a unique and beautiful creation, doesn’t want to be involved with that creation. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances were surrounding the birth, the child itself is a blessing. Point blank period.

Of course there are those that will say that’s why you should be married before having children or truly know the person, marriage is not a guarantee, they end daily and people walk away from children just like they do the marriage and you can have known someone for years and years, but once something changes from fun and free to responsibility, people can change before your very eyes.

It’s funny that some people will risk it all over pleasure and self-serving gratification, but won’t risk anything over integrity by doing what’s right even when it’s not easy or convenient.

It hurts because no matter how much you love your child, a mother cannot be a father and likewise a father cannot be a mother. But we try and love our child enough not to feel the void of the absent parent. Sometimes we attempt to overcompensate with an abundance of materialistic things or by being more friendly than parental towards our children. But trust, even with the best of efforts they eventually feel the void.

And while if you are a mature parent, you will try to find a way to gently explain that it’s not that the absent parent doesn’t love them, but rather that some people just are not ready or capable of being selfless enough to be parents. It falls flat on ears waiting to hear the sound of the missing parents voice. It falls short of explaining why they have to have an uncle or grandfather at the daddy/daughter dance or why they have an aunt or grandmother at the son/mommy dinner.

These absences play such a major part in the future relationships that the child will have, especially with the opposite sex. It’s hard for a female to learn to trust a man and to understand their role as provider and protector, when dad didn’t find her precious enough to guard and protect. And it’s hard for a male to learn to value women when the one that carried him for 9 months could just then turn and walk away. These children through no fault of their own, may grow to see themselves as less than worthy.

If one is lucky they will find other adults, men and women that serve as role models and mentees that help fill the void, or they will be blessed with a parent that showers them with love and loving, esteeming affirmations on a daily.

In truth it doesn’t take a lot of time, energy, effort or courage to create a life, but it does to raise one! Let’s show our youth that they’re worth the effort and put aside what’s easy and convenient. Make the time, to spend the time. If the custodial parent makes it hard to see the child, take them to court for your right to be involved. Make a call, send a card, write a letter even when they’re too young to read, at least they’ll know you tried, that they mattered enough for you to make an effort.

Father’s and Mother’s claim your place and be present. Children don’t need your presents; they need combined parental presence!

~Micaiah

Reset your Mindset

The mind is a powerful tool and can also said it’s a powerful trap. It can have you believing in things that are just not true. For example generational curses, are not curses, rather it’s the failure of people within a family to step outside of a particular mindset and obtain a different result.
The reality of it is that when someone chooses to have a different mindset or take a different perspective then you get different results. For example, some families feel poverty is a generational curse. And it can be if all you see for yourself is what has been and not what can be. We can’t change the circumstances we are born into, we can’t change our DNA, but your genes do not determine your future in regard to your capacity to achieve greatness. Your mind state does.

Some people like to be victims of circumstance because when you are a victim, most of the time you are deemed powerless and people sympathize with your plight. Being a victim relieves some people of the responsibility they have to ensure they take the actions to be the change they want to see in their lives. Once you become an adult if you choose not to be great it’s no longer the fault of the missing father or the drug addicted mother, no, that blame lies with and on you. Everyone alive has the same 24 hours in a day, the difference is what you do with it. Will you use your hurdles as stumbling blocks or building blocks?

When we encounter adversity do, we automatically feel overwhelmed and defeated or do we look at how going through this trial will enable us to grow and strengthen our resolve and outlook? There is more than one route to get to any destination, but sometimes you can’t travel the easiest route. No, sometimes you have to be willing to crawl on your belly through the brush and get tangled in a few weeds and even push through the mud, muck and mire in order to reach that end result or desired destination. It doesn’t matter what dirt you had to go through in order to be victorious in the end.

Keep your eye focused on your goal and cut off people that prohibit you from reaching it by weighing you down. Not everyone else will understand or support your need to be and live differently. People will say you think you’re better, and you know what you just might be, not in an arrogant way, but in a way that it’s ok to want the best for yourself and those you love. No one should ever make you feel bad for not settling for being mediocre. When your FATHER is the Creator of all things who is man to tell you to limit yourself or your dreams.

Keep pushing and cast aside those mental habits that chain you to toxic, stagnating ideals and dead-end life styles.

Break those mental chains that bind and confine you. Free your mind and improve your life!
~micaiah

Owning it

Since today marks the beginning of a new year by date, I’ve decided to write about owning up to your responsibilities and flaws. It doesn’t matter how many resolutions you make if you aren’t honest with and about yourself. You have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and understand that everything in your life is a direct result of either your actions or your inaction.

It’s true that as a man or woman thinketh so is he or she. If you think that you can’t go far in life due to all the set backs you may have encountered or due to being born into poverty and dysfunction, then 9 times out of 10 you won’t. You have to work towards what you want and you have to be committed to that vision mind, body and spirit. When you refuse to own the issues in your life, you take the responsibility away from yourself on how to solve and resolve them. You become a victim to your circumstances and allow others to determine your path, which is a definite no-no.

No one is perfect and even lives that may appear that way are generally far from it. Everyone has a backstory so to speak, a springing forth from the ashes moment. The difference is how you handle the backstory, do you hide it or do you use it as a tool to tell others your story and to motivate you into making new and improved changes in your life? Adults that choose to place their head in the sand and ignore their own part in the present state of their lives shouldn’t be surprised when they lack sympathy from others.

Life is 100% how you make it and adversity is how you take it. You have to start with the man or woman in the mirror and be the change you seek.

It’s your life, good, bad, or indifferent, Own IT!
~micaiah