Pushed to the edge

Today my Healthcare corporation encouraged us to participate in an 8 minute and 46 second moment of silence in honor of Mr. George Floyd and in solidarity with White Coats for Black Lives Matter (WCBL). WCBL is “an organization that strives to dismantle racism in medicine and promote the health, well-being, and self-determination of the African American community.”

During those 8 minutes and 46 seconds I couldn’t help but to think of all the things that must have flashed through Mr. Floyd’s mind, while seemingly coming to the stark realization that the police was literally killing him. I can’t even fathom what he must have been feeling and the helplessness of being rendered breathless.

I kept having that video of him being murdered, because that’s what it was, play over in a loop in my head. And of how tired I am of explaining to my 7 year old daughter that another person of color has lost their life at the hands of someone who sees them as less than, all while attempting to instill into her that she is enough.

It’s exhausting.

Racism in America, like a festering wound and abhorrent disease, has been left untreated since the nation was birthed. It’s a sickness that effects the young, old and all in between.
How can we tout this as the best nation on earth when animals get more respect and protection than people of color?

When will I not have to say extra prayers for all my male friends and family members that their lives are not taken during a simple traffic stop or interaction with the police.

Yes, we try to teach our youth how to act to stay alive, but until people stop placing symbolic bullseyes on their heads and back, hunting season continues in spite of being compliant.

All lives matter, but until Black Lives Matter there will be no peace because there won’t be any justice for us. Understand this country was founded on the backs of the people that they no longer deem matter, how hypocritical is that?

There are too many disparities in healthcare, education and the justice system for people to feel comfortable sticking their head in the sand and pretending to be unaware of what takes place around them. We know you see it, you show us with your silence that until it effects you directly you don’t care.

If you aren’t helping resolve the problems you may as well be throwing fire on the flames. You care if people mistreat their dog, yet act confounded that people would feel so strongly against the mistreatment of a whole collective group of people.
Surely, not a nation that state in God they trust! Do you not understand the same God you say you trust, created us.

When will enough, be enough for you? It’s past time for me.✊🏽🖤

~micaiah

Where happiness meets healing

Sometimes it’s not the intimate aspect of the relationship you miss, it’s the friendship

The ability for someone to know you better than you know yourself

Someone that knows your moods and can communicate without conversation

someone that can pull a smile from you even when you are annoyingly aggravated

Someone you can be free with without judgment

Even when you’re afraid to uncover your heart, they feed you laughter as medicine and help cure your hidden and broken parts

Because sometimes we don’t truly heal, because we are so intent on not being able to feel

Sometimes we blur the line and it takes time to get back aligned with the true purpose for you and them

Maybe you were not ever meant to be in love

because the greater need is to be a friend

and in the end

in that realization

is where true happiness and healing begins.

~micaiah

Fool for Love

We’ve all been there and done that, played the fool that is. Left you wondering if you could have plead temporary insanity during that span of time.

Left you questioning yourself and your ability to pick a worthy mate. Nothing to beat yourself up for, every lesson is a blessing, even the ones you perceive as failed.

Past relationships teach us as much about ourselves as it does other people, well if we are honest with introspection it does. You have to honestly look inside to discover why you were attracted to people in your past.

Oftentimes, if we do not work through traumas or voids in our childhoods we wind up attracting those same type of people in our adolescence and adulthood. It is said you attract what you reflect. So if you want to attract better, reflect better. And yes, it can be that simple.

When you truly and thoroughly love yourself you will refuse to be in a relationship that does not mirror your self love and who does not reciprocate your effort.

You will learn to grow through what you go through and become better because of it. Heartbreak can be rough, but allow it to make you better not bitter.

Sometimes we have to lose in order to have room to gain. Keep pushing!

~micaiah

The Love She Needed

She contemplated all her endings

In an effort to facilitate a new beginning

She couldn’t place all the blame on them

When the endings looked so similar

yet

she was the only common denominator

The commonality of her attractions was a flaw in her character

In her need to fix others

She attracted unhealed mates that flocked to her to be healed

Only to take their healed selves elsewhere

Leaving the fixer wounded

Momentarily put off from healing another

She covered her heart in armor

Daring anyone to penetrate her self imposed fortress

She was punishing herself

Not realizing a heart locked up finds it hard to beat

Even for oneself

So she tore the wall away

Because she realized she deserved her own best efforts

Her heart was resilient and destined to thrive, to love and be loved

She changed the inconsistent and conflicted parts within herself

She reflected the love she was

And was content to love herself

until someone came along

and reflected back to her

the love she needed.

~Micaiah

Brokenness

In life we encounter people that cannot begin to love/respect you as a friend, mate, and sibling or even as a coworker, because of the brokenness of their own spirit and self-esteem. And we as humans think that it is our duty, especially if we say we love/care for someone, to attempt to fix them even at the risk of our own well-being. Love can be a tricky thing, because it can have you ignore logic and pay attention solely to emotions which can be hazardous to one’s health. When someone for whatever reason is so broken that they cannot love and respect themselves by making healthy and emotionally sound decisions, it will be impossible for them to be involved in a healthy, loving, respectful relationship.

People cannot give to others what they cannot give to themselves.

You cannot love people whole. What you can do is love them enough to encourage them to love and tend to themselves. You can be supportive without being an enabler and motivate them to care enough for themselves to want better, to want to be whole.

Thinking solely with our heart we will fool ourselves into believing that if we accept the brokenness, if we just stand beside them long enough, we can will them into changing. Let me tell you that if a glass falls and breaks, if you are in the vicinity you will get cut as it shatters. Those cuts may not be physical, they may come in the form of mental and emotional exhaustion. Broken people cannot make deposits into you, they only make withdrawals, and it is but one symptom of their brokenness.

That is why you have to put limits on your involvement, pray for them, but let them know you are not OK being in an unevenly yoked relationship and yes, the relationship can be a friendship, work relationship etc.  People need to understand that their brokenness affects others and it’s not OK to stay broken and expect the people around you to make concessions forever.

Tough love can be a wonderful thing and acting as a mirror to a person that cannot see themselves is even more wonderful.

Peace cannot live in the place where chaos dwells. So free yourself from the broken relationship. Pray for them and encourage them to fix themselves.

Most of all be sure to protect and love yourself enough to love them from a safe distance.~micaiah