Adrift and bereft

I haven’t written in a while. I was transitioning in my feelings from numb to grieving, once again death called a friend home and left me feeling adrift and bereft. Untethered just floating in a sea of feelings and unleashed emotions

Death is hard, but unexpected death, one not a result of some chronic or terminal illness is even harder; especially when it’s a best friend. A confidante and kindred spirit, someone that you laughingly joked about growing old with. It was surreal seeing her lifeless and so still. She had always been so lively and full of life. Her Aura would bring light to any room, but death robbed the world of her presence.

I’m a spiritual being so I know all souls belong to the Creator and are only on a short loan to those of us that live in this earthly world. Even knowing and understanding her latter end doesn’t make the pain any less intense.

Witnessing another mother bury her child is something I dread each and every time, because by nature I’m an empath and I feel things deeply and knowing I can do nothing to repair the hole left is gut wrenching. Of course I can offer help and sympathy but those things don’t touch that feeling that resides deep in one’s soul when they suffer the loss of someone close to them. I can’t begin to imagine what it feels like for a mother to lose the very person that grew inside her womb.

The older I get it seems the more prayers and condolences I extend, and yet the world keeps turning and days continue into night. And although death changes the world of those effected, the rest of the world goes on. And although at times you wish you could curl up in a ball and just forget about everything and everyone else, you can’t, because you still have life within you.

And because you inherently know you have a responsibility to keep the memory and love of the deceased alive. So you surf the waves of your grief, you allow yourself to feel, but you fight to keep your head above water because you don’t want to purposely hasten your own demise and be the cause of someone’s else’s grief.

The circle of life keeps turning much like the earth. We latch on to friends and family and every golden memory we can in an effort to establish a new normal.

That’s where I find myself, trying to find my new normal, without one of my best friend’s advice and input, one without her notes left in my library books on the hold shelf. A life that is without her text messages full of inside jokes and one that is without her book nerd humor and shared favorite authors and titles. One without her voice and knowing they’ll be no new songs sung it’s all still so hard to comprehend.

But I know she would push me forward and want me to accomplish all the goals and dreams we had discussed. She’d want to see me smile and laugh and enjoy life fully. So some way somehow I will, because to keep a smile on my face and joy in my heart may just be one of the best ways to remember her.

Missing you and loving you forever my friend

In Loving Memory of Hilakiyah Yisrael 3/10/1970-5/5/2019

~Micaiah

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Next lifetime

You ever had someone speak to your very soul,

they looked into your eyes and your very thoughts they’d know?  


With just a mention of their name they send your heart a flutter,


and they make you feel inspired but  at the same time so nervous you stutter?


Someone who stimulates your mind,
taking intelligent and sexy to a whole different level and time,


but the sad part about it, it’s not the right time


For me to be yours and for you to be mine


and inherently you know
No matter how perfectly the stars seemed to align


you have to put off this soul connection
until the next lifetime.

~micaiah

Love Missed

I haven’t written a poem in a while. I was just laying in bed listening to rain drops and this came pouring out.

Guess the rain did its job.

Check it out

I miss the potential of you that I conjured up in all my imaginings

When I saw what you could be, if only you were brave enough to grow and evolve from who you were

When I inhaled the scent of you and basked in the warmth of your embrace

I miss your lips implanting the sweetest of nothing’s as you kissed my 3rd eye and opened me up too receive all that was good, special and magical about you

I miss the heat that blushing brings to my face and the moist desire gathering between my thighs as I remember the sensual details you whispered of all the things you’d like to do to me

I miss the encouragement and support that your friendship brings

A pillar of protection from life’s storms and pain

I miss the perfect representation of Love we could represent by being our imperfectly authentic selves

I miss the security of knowing my heart could rest safely in your hands and you’d cherish it like the most precious of gifts

I miss ignorance being bliss and not knowing the emptiness of love missed.

~micaiah