I haven’t written in a while. I was transitioning in my feelings from numb to grieving, once again death called a friend home and left me feeling adrift and bereft. Untethered just floating in a sea of feelings and unleashed emotions
Death is hard, but unexpected death, one not a result of some chronic or terminal illness is even harder; especially when it’s a best friend. A confidante and kindred spirit, someone that you laughingly joked about growing old with. It was surreal seeing her lifeless and so still. She had always been so lively and full of life. Her Aura would bring light to any room, but death robbed the world of her presence.
I’m a spiritual being so I know all souls belong to the Creator and are only on a short loan to those of us that live in this earthly world. Even knowing and understanding her latter end doesn’t make the pain any less intense.
Witnessing another mother bury her child is something I dread each and every time, because by nature I’m an empath and I feel things deeply and knowing I can do nothing to repair the hole left is gut wrenching. Of course I can offer help and sympathy but those things don’t touch that feeling that resides deep in one’s soul when they suffer the loss of someone close to them. I can’t begin to imagine what it feels like for a mother to lose the very person that grew inside her womb.
The older I get it seems the more prayers and condolences I extend, and yet the world keeps turning and days continue into night. And although death changes the world of those effected, the rest of the world goes on. And although at times you wish you could curl up in a ball and just forget about everything and everyone else, you can’t, because you still have life within you.
And because you inherently know you have a responsibility to keep the memory and love of the deceased alive. So you surf the waves of your grief, you allow yourself to feel, but you fight to keep your head above water because you don’t want to purposely hasten your own demise and be the cause of someone’s else’s grief.
The circle of life keeps turning much like the earth. We latch on to friends and family and every golden memory we can in an effort to establish a new normal.
That’s where I find myself, trying to find my new normal, without one of my best friend’s advice and input, one without her notes left in my library books on the hold shelf. A life that is without her text messages full of inside jokes and one that is without her book nerd humor and shared favorite authors and titles. One without her voice and knowing they’ll be no new songs sung it’s all still so hard to comprehend.
But I know she would push me forward and want me to accomplish all the goals and dreams we had discussed. She’d want to see me smile and laugh and enjoy life fully. So some way somehow I will, because to keep a smile on my face and joy in my heart may just be one of the best ways to remember her.
Missing you and loving you forever my friend
In Loving Memory of Hilakiyah Yisrael 3/10/1970-5/5/2019
When a light bulb burns out we change it, the same concept can be applied to our attitudes. When we feel our attitude sucks, change it. Most of the time changing ones’ mood is merely as simple as changing ones’ thoughts.
The mind is powerful and can be controlling. What you give energy to, has the power to consume you.
If you think negatively you will produce negativity, your thoughts become your self-fulfilling prophesy, likewise if you think positively you will attract positivity. Does this mean that positive people never have days that don’t go their way? No, but it means that instead of harping on went wrong they focus on the things that went well, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Truly the difference between a good day and a bad day is perspective.
It’s true that you are what you think so if you think yourself happy, your actions will lead you to being happy, because more often than not, thoughts drive our actions. The simplest and cheapest form of self-improvement is not money, clothes, make up, hair styles, etc. it is a smile. When you pair that smile with a positive attitude, well you have a winning combination. A simple smile can transform, not only a person’s face, but how others view you as a whole and that same smile can cause a positive reaction in others.
Don’t believe me, well try it out. Take a day to randomly smile at every one you meet in passing. To add extra icing on this cake of positivity add in a hello or have a good day. The thought of wishing a virtual stranger well, resonates within the universe and increases the positive vibes and energy coming back at you. It may be the sunshine needed to brighten a dark day for someone else. Smiles are a cheap, easy and virtually effortless ways to share your light and love with others.
Remember we cannot control what other people think, say or do, we can only control our reactions to them. Choose to walk away from people and situations that do not feed your spirit with goodness and light. Do not allow yourself to relinquish power of your emotional well-being to another. Happiness and joy is precious and invaluable, so don’t sell yourself short.
Practice positive affirmations until it becomes habitual, treat yourself with love and care.
Guard your thoughts and reverse negative thinking. Every challenge or obstacle faced prepares you to be more critical in your thinking and strengthens your resolve and problem solving efforts, which enhances your character. A boulder in your pathway can be a stepping stone or a stumbling block, it’s all about how you perceive and act upon it. You can walk over it or around it, either way you get past it. And that’s the point, that boulder didn’t stop your progress it became a part of it!
A smile may not cure all the ills of the world, but it can make you feel better!